Smell that?
That’s the scent of yet another unanswered beauty question finally being wrenched from the pits of my heaving email inbox.

M, like me, you house an inner magpie. It’s drawn to shiny things or bright colours, and is the reason you buy sparkly, dangly necklaces from Diva and canary yellow coin purses from Sportsgirl when you  A. Don’t need them, and B. Don’t really want them and C. Probably don’t even know how to pull them off.

And yes, of course this extends to makeup.

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Dear Valued Customer,

We regret to advise that over the next two weeks, there may be a disturbance in the regularity of fresh fruit being delivered to your account.

This is because a certain
operator, whose full identity we would prefer to keep confidential in the interest of safety,

has been infected by a sinister virus, said to look like this

which is said to lead to, among other things, an acute case of

We regret any inconvenience, and suggest you take supplements of the variety found in health food stores/lunatic asylums until your service is returned.

Kindest,

Fruitybeauty Corp.
2007.

That’s what you lot are. Gosh!

And so many of you!

The final decision was torturous, as the Big Ones always are (Should I cut my hair? Move to London? Turkey or tuna? Shadow or liner?) but as a wise school teacher once said to me, while everyone may deserve the prize, there can only be one winner.

Clearly she was a fool, as there are in fact two winners today.

(On the topic of winning, I have an OUTRAGEOUS  Missoni giveaway that’ll be going up real soon. Did someone say "Get the new fragrance before anyone else in the country? And a Missoni beach towel?" They didn’t? Oh. My apologies. Carry on.)

1. Miss "Trishy G" for her essay slash recipe. I think i maybe liked this one because it mirrored how I enter competitions: write so much that the judges are bound to find something they like. That she dropped her current mobile into the toilet over the weekend is inconsequential, if not hysterical and something I can personally relate to. Twice.

2. Telle, who is a very regular commenter (which is awesome but didn’t influence my judging) and whose answer could be described as economical, but powerful. I much liked the simplicity of this:

Loving yourself. Letting that inner love shine. Turning that shine into outer fabulousness. Having faith, belief, pride in that outer fabulousness.

As I truly subscribe to inner shiny stuff and loving yourself. Cause if you don’t have that, you don’t got nuthin.

Notable mentions fly out to M., Kalah, Isabell, Zoe Pryor (little cutie), Kiddo, Lucinda King, and, well, most of you, actually. Again, please do not all start up your own bogs.

As neither wordsmith left their email, they’ll need to contact me to get their Hot New Nokia 6300. Mmmm, 3600…

Thanks again to the Nokia People for this lovely giveaway.
Because True Style Never Shouts, it simply writes what it wants to say on a blogging comments form.

I liked this email much.
Probably many of you won’t get anything from it, but still.

Hello Fruity,

Thanks, Tahlia (Learner Fruit)

Well, Tahlia, you’ve actually got a lot of "groovy" scope here, but the immediate thing that flies to my "far out" mind is four kilos of pale blue shadow, a touch of glitter and too much pink gloss. What a "gas!"

Take the shadow (CoverGirl do a good pale pastel blue)  and let rip. Go almost all the way up to the eye brow, and then dab a dot of white-based glitter or shimmer just on the actual eyeball, and under the brow bone. Don’t worry too much about blending it all in. It’s meant to look wild. Next line the top lid carefully with black liner to define the eyes and then definitely, absolutely apply some crazy false lashes. The sillier, the better. The 70s was not a time of subtlety.

Apply some shimmery pink blush to the apples of your cheeks and then proceed to apply layer upon layer of the shiniest, tackiest, juiciest, shimmery pink gloss you can get your little disco paws on. Glitter and shimmer on your body is also a "pyschadelic" option.

Here are some inspiration images.

Afro wig and gold bikini optional.
Heavy desire to get your funk on mandatory.

Case in point.

Here is one Jennifer Lopez at the premiere of El Cantante looking Rather Ravishing in a sweet peachy frock, which is beautifully accompanied by a lovely golden tan, a classic loose updo and top-lid lined eye, which all come together in cosmetic harmony to perfectly offset her honey colouring and general Latino Sex Kitten Gone Girly look.

And here is the very same Jennifer Lowdress, sorry, Lopez, showcasing a frightening tan line, half a white breast, fourteen bottles of Scott Barnes’ Body Bling body bronzer, too much undereye concealer, and more shimmery powder bronzer on her face than most women will ever see in their entire lives.

That’s all.

Not picking on her, actually think she’s quite memserising, am just revealing how the weeklies get their ‘Celebrities Letting It All Hang Out!!’ stories and the glossies get their ‘Get the look: Vintage Chic‘ all from the same woman, on the same night.

Ps – Thank you much much much for all of your Definitely Excellent birthday messages. Talk about feeling loved by people you’ve never even met! Now I know how Jessica Simpson feels.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

I love birthdays.
I smile all day long.
Just like this.

You already know what I got, of course.

Sorry, I mean:

I’m off to watch The Simpsons movie and drink champagne AT THE SAME TIME!

Does it get any better?

(Hint: No.)

Yes, I know it’s not make up, but what good is a freshly-painted mug and a ravishing mane of hair if you’ve no mobile phone to call up your friends/take photos of your fine self/booty call like a demon. (I know what you get up to after a few Pina Coladas, young fruits.)

NO GOOD, is what it is.

And so Nokia, those fine phone friends of fruity, have kindly given me two telemophones to dish out to two lucky fruits. And what’s up for grabs like a bouquet at a wedding? The Nokia 6300, that’s what.

You know him, he’s the sexy little black and silver baby advertised under the banner ‘True Style Never Shouts’. (Even though personally, I find a shouty pink lip can look quite fetching and stylish.)

He’s got sweet stainless steel covers, a glossy black finish, a two megapixel camera with an 8x digi-zoom, (which is all Fruity uses on her Nokia N76 for her blog imagery), a music and video player, radio as well as email on the go, for all the high-flying businessy fruits. Or even the low-flying fruits who just like to download Rihanna and Akon ringtones a lot.

He’s worth $449 and is hot, as That Twit in LA would say.

See?

What you need to do: Write a comment telling me what you think true style is by next Wednesday. It’s probably the easiest way to get a new phone. Other than stealing one. Which I don’t condone. Unless it was yours in the first place and you’re stealing it back.

What I need to do: Thank the people that own this logo for being so dingin’ cool and generous.

Seriously, you did.
I have the letters, faxes, emails, carrier pigeons and photos of the skywriting right here.

Around Tuesday of last week, I discovered a pink shade (#304) of Lancome’s Color Fever Gloss sitting in a draw I have at home that is loosely framed as ‘Is Good, Do Use’. I had previously used the #206 – a lovely beige-y nude, but I’d either lost it or given it away while drunk, and, well, kind of forgotten about it.

But now, after a few short days of wear, it’s become Top Gloss in my handbag.

Here’s why:

It smells good.
It has a lovely ‘adult’ shimmer (not adult as in Adult Film, but adult as in non Lip Smackers glittery, just nice and subtle.)
Your lips just look, well, fresh. Kissable, without dripping with gloss, you know?
It’s mildly plumping (vitamin E, I believe.)
The wand – which is a strange pipe cleaner texture and is shaped in a kind of keyhole shape, spreads the gloss evenly over your lips, and gives you nice precision.
It lasts.
Even though it’s bright pink (as per the image above) it’s so sheer that you if just do one swipe, you basically land yourself some shimmer, some plump and a whole lot of foxy.

Beyond all that, these guys kind of mastered tubey super-glossy gloss gloss, so surely they deserve a chance with the wand, right? Right?

I hear you.
That don’t mean a thing in the heady world of gloss.
But I like it.
And will take a photo next time I wear it and show you the effect.

I get obsessed with people I’ve never even met sometimes.

Right now it’s this little Italian pocket rocket, Margherita Missoni.

She’s the heiress to one of my favourite brands, Versace, I mean Missoni, Missoni, she is a sartorial master, she hangs with her family a lot and takes pictures of herself with them because they’re all wearing brightly-coloured knits and it’s adorable, she’s tight with Zac Posen, she can wear even the gaudiest of Missoni gear and makes it look ravishing, plus she’s cute and looks friendly and has good hair, and you know, she’s all cool and pretty and stuff.

Here she is with her mum Angela, Missoni’s designer.
Hi Ange.

Anyway, you know she was the face of the first Missoni fragrance, right? (Hint: Yes, you do.)

Well, she’s the face (and, uh, breasts) of the second too.

It’s called Missoni Acqua, it’s not out until September, but gosh, is it a beautiful summery juice. It smells like a cocktail by the sea and it will go real good with your tan sandals and your slinky little denim shorties, sugar.

Here’s the new ad.

Ouch.
Sizzle.
Sizzle.
Sizzle.

The guys at Estee Lauder (Missoni fragrance’s mum and dad) said that the shot was taken at the end of the shoot, when little Margie had had a gutful of the heat, and dived into the pool into her $10, 000 Missoni frock. (You can do that when your family owns the company, you know.)

They snapped it as she was getting out.

Clever marketing story or Just a Girl Who Looks Too Good When She Exits a Pool in Full Makeup and Evening Gown, I don’t care: I am pro Margherita. I am pro Missoni. And I would very much like this Missoni rug for my birthday which is in nine days please.

Many thanks.