Category: Category defying

11
Nov

It seems some of you have lost the plot.

So allow me to locate it for you.

1. First things first. Thank you for stopping by. Really. And, I want it known that I appreciate all of the lovely, exuberant, grateful feedback I receive almost daily. I consider myself extremely lucky because it is a glorious thing to know what you are doing is appreciated and enjoyed. So thank you, sweet fruits. You’re very kind. Now. As for the Other Ones.

2. I must remind everyone that this is my blog. I am the owner, manager, author, water boy and costume designer. I can write whatever I like, whenever I like. Because it’s my blog.

3. I actually pay money to have the luxury of writing fruitybeauty. (As for those ads you see? Big earners. Huge. Why, they must bring me in at least 45 US cents a month.)

4. Blogs are hard, work. I write fruity late at night, on planes, at internet cafes and before my porridge in the mornings, just so you can get your hit. I panic when I leave it more than two days and I haven’t been able to fully relax in over a year, because I have a small bloggy child who constantly needs feeding. Many start blogs and many give up for this very reason. One of my favourites, Letter to Marc Jacobs, died this very death.

5. I have a full-time job, I’m writing my second novel and I have a family, social circle, boyfriend, gym membership, cat, Bonsai and Backstreet Boys fan club membership, all of which also require time and energy.

6. I began fruitybeauty because I had a serious surplus of information on
makeup, skincare, hair and neon orange nail polish whizzing and
whirring around my head, and I thought, gosh, you know, I should
really share that information around, because I only get so much space
in The Magazine I Write For, and yet there is so much more stuff people
should know about the products and services they spend a lot of money
on to make themselves look and feel good. I also wanted to make it fun and silly because beauty can be taken far too seriously.

7. I have the right to do as many or as little posts as I like. Taunting
me because I used to do it daily is an exercise in both stupidity and
futility. If you’re feeling ripped off because my posts have slowed up
you should probably head to the land of Perez Hilton where your
appetite for 6578 posts a day will be satisfied.

8. I can refer metaphorically to the fact groupies are attracted to footballers should I choose to. Because they are. That’s why they’re called groupies. Amazingly, this same breed of devoted fan also exists in the music, surfing, basketball, pro-knitting and acting arenas.

9. I can choose to delete comments whenever I want to. In fact, I can choose to disable comments altogether, or ban certain people from commenting. (It may interest you to know that most bloggers approve all comments before they let them go live.) I very, very rarely do, however, because I like fruity to be a democratic environment, and while I would have to say I find it hard to believe anything I write here is deserving of a serve, (unless a taupe eyeshadow brutally broke your heart, or a barrel brush once set your car on fire) I see that this freedom of expression is currently being abused. That the virtual rotten fruit storm is being orchestrated by people who as far as I know do not own a blog, (making them unqualified to be languorously judging not only my blog, but me personally) makes it a somewhat uneven playing surface in that I can’t tiptoe over to their blog and write ur blog sux n u r a ttl lozer!!!! under one of their posts.

10. I can choose to be offended when people get on here, people who can’t even spell, and diss the fruitshop. Or, I can simply choose to write a post reminding them of what – and indeed who – it is exactly they are spitting venom at so that they understand that they have completely missed the point of a blog that was created out of love and not for any kind of gain, and then send them love, because it is sad that I am kicking so much ass, and they are not.

11. I can elect to hold my knife in either hand when I eat, because I am ambidextrous with my cutlery.

Rotten

Responses to this drivel: No Comments
08
Nov

Seven Rules for The Lips That Are Red

Gwen_stefani_5

You probably know these, but after wearing a spectacularly outrageous but simultaneously very chic Red Lip yesterday (it was Sisley Hydrating Long Lasting Lipstick in L25) , I was quickly forced to quickly remember the Rules for The Lips That Are Red, and thought, golly, I’m glad I know what to do here or I could be in real trouble.

1. Invest in a reverse liner, which is clear, and which you outline your
lips with to stop your spectacular red lipstick running and bleeding
and stuff. It’s genius. DuWop and Sally Hansen do them, cause they be smart.

1.5. If you own a lip liner, now is when you would shade in the lips in a shade similar to the red you are wearing, or even a nude shade. You may even like to pat some concealer on, if you are liner-less, and you wish for your red lip to stay put.

2. Use a lip brush, not the stick. The stick itself is for out-and-about touch-ups only. Brush give you precision and long lastiness.

3. After doing one full layer, blot with tissue. Now paint again.

4. Stick your index finger in your gob, and slowly remove. See how it takes excess lipstick! See how your teeth are saved from lipstick smears! See how you really really need a tissue to clean that mess on your finger up!

5. Before taking a sip from a glass, discreetly lick it so your spectacular lipstick doesn’t stick to the rim of the glass and make you – and it – look all nasty like it’s been drunk by that secretary that used to work for your dad who always had bad breath and bunions.

6. Take a mirror with you, and check your teeth and lips constantly. Red lipstick is attracted to teeth like groupies to footballers.

7. There actually is no point seven. But there was a 1.5, so maybe there’s seven after all…

*Cue one eyebrow up and spooky music.*

Responses to this drivel: 38 Comments
31
Oct

The day Fruity risked having her qualifications revoked

This is one of those things where I feel my beauty license may just be revoked for admitting such a thing, but just try and take it, punks.

So, I’m a huge fan of exfoliation, right. Not in a psychotic, getting-medical-grade-peels-every-week-way, just in a like-to-use-a-nice-gentle-scrub-every-couple-of-days, and do a glycolic/salicylic scrub on Sundays. (DAMMIT, I love the song that’s on right now – how good is Let Me Think About It?) And the reason I love exfoliation is because it removes dead skin cells and dirt and grime and sunscreen and silicon that builds up on my skin day after day, which lets the moisturisers and stuff I put on penetrate better, which in turn lets my skin look better. Because I always, always want my skin too look the best it can. (In my role, it’s kind of, uh, expected.)

But do you know what I never, ever did and which has really helped my skin retain the happy little glow it has in the mornings when I put on my creams and there are no dehydration lines or computer face dryness?

And remember, this is something that could have me reported because it’s so mind-blowingly simple:  wash my face in the morning.

I never did it because my thing is to shower before bed and wash my face then, not in the morning, (unless I tanned the night before, or did some strenuous sleep-walking, or went for a run before work) and I figured I didn’t need to wash my face again in the morning, cause that would just dry it out, surely.

No. It won’t. What it will do, however, is make a big difference. (Shut up, shut up, I know I’m behind the eight ball and you’ve all been washing in the morning for 7689 years.)

Cause when you think about it, you put on some heavy stuff at night… Thick night creams and serums and so on, and then, then you go smush your face into a pillow! Madness!

Point: Washing that all off quickly over the basin in the morning (I use Priori facial cleanser cause it offers some mild AHA/BHA exfoliation but mostly it’s just frothing with antioxidant top dog Idebenone) before you launch into your daily skin care routine makes so much sense it makes me want to vomit.

Priori

Responses to this drivel: 28 Comments
28
Oct

Cate, Cate, she’s our man, if she can’t do it, no one can.

Cate_blanchett_orchid

A poem, by Fruitia Plath.

I love Cate
And you probably do too,
Her skin is exceptional
Wrinkles and lines, she has few.

I love SK-II
It gives me lovely skin cells that are new
Cate was the ‘Strayan ambassador
But now she’s global too.

The end.

Responses to this drivel: 14 Comments
24
Oct

You’re being punished for being good.

With sweaty, lank hair post spin class.
That’s me anyway. And actually, it’s called RPM.
Whatever, my hair still looks just as rank post class, whatever the technical term for getting smashed on a bike is.

There’s a whole lotta stories I have about Beauty and the Gym, but all I want to help you with today is hair.

Some tips to keep the whole business under three minutes:

Before you start, pop your hair up loosely, so as not to ruin the ‘style’ you’ve got going. This is especially crucial for curly hair fruits, or nicely blow-dried fruits. Too tight will wreck things. Fix loose annoying or fringey bits with bobby pins, and always, always have surplus amounts of both elastics and these wily little devils in your gym bag, cause doing RPM with your hair down when it’s at all long BITES (if unintentional… If intentional, it’s just silly and attention-seeking, like girls who wear high heels on an international flight.)

When you’ve showered, crack out the dry shampoo. Which will be in your gym bag. Batiste or Klorane, probably. You bought it from the chemist, remember? See how the other girls in the changeroom envy you with your shiny can of magical dust. Clever you.

Spray the dry shampoo around your hairline and quickly along the scalp and then blast your hair with a blow dryer on high heat. You shouldn’t need a brush, unless you’re a fringey fruit, in which case pack a smallish barrel brush (ceramic or tourmaline are best) and style that baby down. If you’re a curly fruit, feel free to skip the blow dryer part. It’ll go all fluffy and wack, but you already knew that.

You’ve just worked out, you deserve to look pretty, and now you do.

Like this girl! Except sadly her hairstyle will be ruined, cause she wore her ponytail too tight. (Let’s not talk about her makeup. This is not the time to talk about her makeup.) But maybe she won’t care cause she’s only going home to eat chicken stir fry in her gym gear and watch Summer Heights High and maybe do some laundry.

Sweaty_and_tired

Responses to this drivel: 14 Comments
14
Oct

Make an Effort Monday

Aad

Fruits, do you know how sometimes you get into a makeup trend, and that’s all you do, every day, until you forget what you used to do pre-trend?

I do.

Most recently, my makeup trend was MAC bronzed cheeks and a swish of Clinique chocolate shadow and NARS nude gloss. Boring as. (Well to me, now.)

Before that, a slick of green Erica F lancome shadow used as liner, MAC bronzer and clear Arden gloss. Meh.

Before that, as you all know, it was the Tom Ford Azuree bronzed face, Laura Mercier tangerine coral lip thing I did pretty much all winter. Fun, but just like owning too many pairs of Balenciaga heels*, it gets boring after a while.

And so, last week, sensing i was failing to live  up to the expectation of  beauty editor, I shook off my boring makeup husk, and embraced newness once more. And gosh balls, do I recommend it.

The first look i dabbled with was Ultimate Barbie; Lancome lilac shadow along the lash line, MAC pink/shimmery Mineralize blush (a lot of MAC pink/shimmery Mineralize blush) on the apples of the cheeks, and some MAC Barbie gloss. I got a few ‘I like your makeup today’ from non beauty editors, and a few ‘Oooooh, look at frosty fruit and her fancy makeup’ from beauty editors. We’re allowed to give each other stick when we lash out; it’s the rule.

The next day, though, I think I found my new makeup trend. Estee Lauder navy-royal blue liner along the upper and under lids, smudged a little, and a lovely bronzey brown from Lancome on the eyeball. Mascara times 678, natural blush, nude opaque gloss and whammy – we’re in funtown.

It was pretty dramatic for daytime, I’ll be honest, but I was wearing my hair back and a high collar, making the makeup the absolute focus, so it was ok. (The less things fighting for attention around the face, the better.)

Anyway. Point: Why not break your makeup trend today? Add some liner. Subtract some liner. Leave the bronzer off. Add some bronzer. Switch gloss for lipstick, or just another shade of gloss. Just do something.

Life’s too short and too serious to not play around with makeup, fruits.
Just ask Amy Winehouse.

*Not something I would know about. Yet.

Responses to this drivel: 1 Comment
09
Oct

Uh, I’m down here.

Few of my friends and I were discussing this tonight, during the ad breaks for Entourage.

How strange is it when your hairdresser looks at her/himself in the mirror constantly when they’re doing your hair? And not at your face, but theirs.

They look at themselves when they speak to you, when you speak to them, when no one is speaking… and some of them play with their own hair as they look into the mirror. As in, every time there is an even remotely sizeable chunk of non-foiling/snipping/painting, and their hands are glove free. Especially if they’ve just had their hair done.

I once had a lovely girl blow dry my hair who had just that day switched from blonde to red head and she was mesmerised with her new look. To the point where it was thieving time from my blow dry. I imagine in that scenario I’d be exactly the same, but it was still fascinating for me to watch.

I mean, I can understand when they look at your face when you chat. You’re not going to swivel to look at them every time are you? No, because your blow dry will never get finished or you’ll end up with non-intentional, non-fashion forward and non-ironic uneven hair. And so it kind of makes sense to connect visually through the mirror. But when they’re looking at themselves in the mirror, repeatedly, it begins to becomes a little bit odd. Right? Or is it just me being infantile again?

Look, just like Jenny Lopez not discussing her startlingly, violently obvious possible pregnancy, I’m sure there’s a reason behind the mirror business.

The fact that these guys stare at a room full of mirrors all day probably means they are immune to them, and you know, just do it out of hairdressy habit.

Of course, if anyone ‘in the biz’ can shed some light, I would be very grateful. I love logical explanations. (Especially those concerning things like why prawns insist on swimming backwards.)

Mirror

Responses to this drivel: 19 Comments
07
Oct

Support Pink Ribbon day and look Definitely Excellent simultaneously.

Go on, it’ll be fun.

Jessica Fruit, who works at Jeanswest, wanted me to tell you all about the rad designer tees they have in store this month, all of which were specially created by Definitely Excellent designers to raise money for Pink Ribbon Day on Monday October 22 (a wonderful day that raises funds for breast cancer research and awareness). It’s called the Jeanswest Designer Charity Tee project and it’s in its third year, and well, it’s kind of really, really good.

And who might the designers be this year, you murmur?

Well, I’ll tell you.

Alba Fan Club.
Manning Cartell.
Kate Hurst.
Kirrily Johnston.
Camilla and Marc.

And what might the special little tees look like, you whisper?

Well, I’ll show you.

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Pretty neat tees, huh?
You bet your ass they are.

Important part: They go on sale TOMORROW, and cost only $29.95 each, with 10 clams from
each tee heading straight to the fine people at Pink Ribbon Day HQ. They are limited. They will not last. They never do.

As such, I suggest you get your shiny little EFTPOS card and shimmy down to ye olde Jeanswest town immediately if not sooner. These tees are visually rad, and karmically sound. Especially for 30 bucks! Especially when ten of said bucks are going to help the guys in white lab coats find a cure for breast cancer. It’s just win win, really.

(For the record, I love the Kate Hurst owl tee best, hence why it’s rumpled; it’s on high rotation and was hurled straight from the clothesline to appear in its super-expensive-and-professional studio shoot for Fruity.)

Responses to this drivel: 11 Comments
01
Oct

HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?

Fruitybeauty turned one, and Fruity herself FORGOT TO CELEBRATE IT.

What a BITCH I am.
Unbelievable.

It was back on September 15, and lord knows what I was doing that day that made me completely forget, but it was probably saving small furry animals from extinction, or building much-needed schools in third world countries. Probably.

Anyway, here’s to my bloggy baby’s Day of Days.

Happy 1st birthday you fruit-filled little ragamuffin!
Hooray to you!
All the best!
Bumchicawowow!
And other happy little expressions.

Fruit_birfday

And in lieu of this special and wonderful moment, and all of the fascinating and enlightening and money-saving (and, uh, money-spending) beauty tips you have learned, and how much better you feel about yourself for wearing sunscreen every, single, day, now, let us reflect on the very first fruity post and let us laugh at how amateurish and silly it is, and then smile because as we all know, nothing has changed.

Responses to this drivel: 21 Comments
28
Sep

Because you (well, some of you) asked for it.

It’s a Bert update.
He’s a big, fat, flat-faced ball of love and I can’t believe I bothered existing without him.

(His full name is Meowbert, for the record, but people tend to Not Get That, which is why I usually just refer to him as Bert. For another record – and I hope you’re a record collector – The Boyfriend named him.)

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Meowbert chillin’ with his Missoni cushion.
(No, I am not commissioned by them to viral PR, I promise.)

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Meowbert ‘cleaning up’

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Meowbert giving his mama some love.

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Meowbert really, really thrilled about being washed and looking
like a small rat with an over-developed hair hormone.

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Meowbert watching me blog about… Meowbert.
(Oooh, how self-referential.)

NB: Meowbert gave full permission for use these images to be used in this manner.

Responses to this drivel: 17 Comments