Category: Category defying

08
Sep

I went low FODMAP in Italy and I didn’t break.

Despite my earlier post detailing the finest pizzas and gelato and cheesecakes in Florence, I must confess those magnificent meals were not indicative of my daily diet. They were naughty, delicious pit stops on a food journey through Italy that was primarily – gasp! – lactose, wheat, gluten and fructose free, and where possible, low in FODMAPs.

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Oh no no no, it’s not for any special reason, I just like to make life hard for myself! No: since the start of the year I’ve been sorting out some longstanding gut issues, (I thank Gut, the brilliant book by Giulia Enders for finally urging me to do so; also recommend Brain Maker by David Perlmutter, he of Grain Brain fame) and my gut guy (technical title) recommended I go on the low FODMAP diet to fix them.

At first I was miserable, and confused, hungry and extremely hangry, and then, after time, I figured out what I could eat, and what upset my tum, and how to cook without onion and garlic, and now it’s just a way of life. (Except that it isn’t, because it’s not a forever-diet, it’s a highly restrictive, temporary diet while your gut heals and then you begin re-introducing the problem foods back in. But you know what I mean.)

I feel much better for it, and so armed with a slew of supplements (oregano oil, Bactrex, digestive enzymes… sing if you know the words) I headed to the land of wheat, cheese and fruit.

But here’s what I discovered. You can still eat well and not feel like you are missing out in Italy, even if you have malabsorption issues, or intolerances, are vegan, or have full-blown allergies. The Italians are incredibly progressive in this area, in fact; no one blinks when you make a special request. Except for that one time I asked for Nutella on my omelette.

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I’m not sick, it’s a dietary preference, and I am the furthest thing from an expert on this, but you can click here to read what I learned if it’s of interest. (But not here.)

Responses to this drivel: 4 Comments
02
Jun

We interrupt this program…

… to advise this program is being interrupted.

It’s because of this little fella, Sonny Donald Blake, a gloriously chubby-cheeked little soul I gave birth to three weeks ago, and who insists on consuming all of my time, sleep, heart, love, and breast milk. (To be fair, no one else really needs or wants that milk.)

 

ZoandSonny

 

 

I will blast some beauty gear onto my Instagram every now and again (@zotheysay) when my brain remembers how to do anything further than washing onesies and burping, so by all means take your maniacal little scrolling thumb over there until I’m back on deck. And by on deck I mean online. And by online I mean blogging. And by blogging I mean nonsense.

Sonny’s Mum X

 

 

Responses to this drivel: 20 Comments
21
Nov

Flattering nail shapes: something to consider.

I know what you’re thinking, “But I love Pizza Shapes so much, why would I switch to Flattering Nail flavour??”

Ha ha ha, I’m joking, obviously. We all know BBQ is the best flavour.

But seriously, flattering nail shapes, let’s get serious about them, for serious. Because depending on the way you shape and file your nails, your fingers can look long and elegant, or they can appear stubby and short and less lovely than you or I can probably handle. Of course, it’s entirely down to personal preference, some just really love the look of long, square nails, or short natural nails, or long terrifying talons, in the case of Rihanna.

But most experts agree that the most flattering nail shape for your finger will be one that closely mirrors the white (usually crescent shape) line at the bottom of on your nail bed, called the Lunula. If the Lunula  is curved, you’d probably best suit an oval or rounded shape. If it’s more flat across, try a clean squared shape, or even squoval (square strong sides, with rounded corners). Have a look now, go on. I can wait.

 

Oval_Lunula

Oval Lunula

 

Straight_Lunula
Flat or square Lunula

Mine? Slightly oval. Not fully oval, as in the image above, but definitely not square, or round.

Because of this, I’ve stopped asking for short, square nails, even when I opt for very dark varnish colours. Keeping them a touch longer, (not too long, just long enough to be able to create a subtle oval shape) looks a far more alluring on my fingers, seemingly elongating the fingers, and making me look like more of a Grown Up Lady than I deserve to.The  stubby, stocky look that used to result when I kept them short and square, is no more.

Keen listeners  to this station will point out that for years I have said: “If you wear dark nail varnish, be sure to keep your nails neat and short.” And now I seem to be going against my own advice.

It happens sometimes, generally when I learn a newer, better way of doing things.

But as you can see from my current nail situation (OPI Mamma Mia), with a longer, oval-esque nail shape, this is not about long, scratchy talons. It’s just about a bit more shape, and a whisper more length. KILOMETRES more flattering than short and square on my hands.

Photo on 19-11-13 at 2.43 PM

As a basic guide, here are the common nail shapes we tend to go for.

Maybe try a new one next time you have your nails done, or keep a bit more length, or remove some length, or just, I don’t know, stick postage stamps on them for something different.

Nailshapes

 

 

 

Responses to this drivel: 17 Comments
30
Sep

How to kill a cold sore, fast.

When it comes to sexy blog topics, there are few that can hope to reach the glimmering heights of cold sores. There’s just something so… alluring about them, and the way they completely mess up your face and confidence for up to two weeks, wouldn’t you agree?

I think you might agree, because the cold sore post I did on this very blog five years ago is still one of the highest trafficked on the site, and after writing about them in Amazing Face, I am “proud” to say I have had many women email me over the years telling me how they now feel in charge of their cold sores, not the other way around. I wear the crown of Cold Sore Queen with pride! And a little bit of embarrassment. But mostly pride.

But it’s time to update. Reveal some new tricks and treatments so that we cold sore sufferers can win the battle faster and with less hands-covering-our-lips when we go into public. And hey, so many of us get them. Even CELEBRITIES, as the images below point out. (I did that gallery not be mean to those women, but to assure everyone just how indiscriminate they are.)

Obviously I am suffering from one currently, or I wouldn’t be writing about them. I’ve been smashed with flu and chest infection, which is probably why, because I always get them when my immune is shot, and also the reason this gorgeous blog has sat dormant for the past couple of weeks.

So, here’s how to stop your cold sore in its filthy little tracks. Here’s how to make sure it doesn’t even get to festering blistering stage and ensure it won’t scab. Basically, here’s how to manage and destroy a cold sore so that you can still get on with your life, and not feel like a social leper, and cut the whole process down by at least half the time if not more.

THINGS YOU WILL NEED AND SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE ON HAND:

* Famvir or similar (a 3x pill oral famciclovir cold sore treatment you buy from the chemist)
* Lysine (an essential amino acid that fights the virus internally. Take one daily if you’re prone to breakouts, and two 2x a day during a breakout.)
* Acetone nail polish remover and cotton pads/tips (buy the pre-made pads for travel)
* A sterilised pin/needle
* Compeed cold sore patches (keep a few in your wallet in case of sudden attacks and never travel without a full box)

 THINGS NOT TO DO: 

* Drink coffee or caffeinated drinks
* Eat seeds, chocolate or tomatoes
* Stress – it makes the little bastard worse

WHEN YOU FEEL THE AREA GO HOT AND ITCH, MOVE FAST, BITCH

I do apologise for the name-calling, but I cannot stress how important speed is at this point. Actually, I can: A LOT. VERY MUCH. It can come down to minutes between a cold sore that lasts three days and one that lasts 10.

If you can get a Compeed patch onto the site at the tingle stage, you’re basically a hero. Take your Famvir, which will greatly lessen the time the cold sore hangs around, but only if you take it on the first day of the sore manifesting, and some Lysine now and you’re a godamn national hero.

compeed_coldsore_patch

If you haven’t acted quite fast enough and there are bumps popping up, wash your hands and then take some acetone nail polish remover on a cotton pad or some tissue and press it on the site for a good, painful 20 seconds. Do not let any get into your mouth obviously, because it’s toxic. And wash hands straight after. What it does is dries the skin out so that the virus doesn’t have that lovely moist, bubbling warm environment it needs to keep growing. It’s a very well-known and effective home remedy, up there with using rubbing alcohol, hand sanitiser, or peroxide. The NPR will buy you time to get to the nearest chemist and buy some patches (and Famvir if you haven’t already got some on hand, which you should, because you are a cold sore sufferer, and like boy scouts, our motto is Be Prepared.) Obviously if you have a Compeed patch nearby, and you will if you know what’s good for you, then jam it on now. I often cut mine with nail scissors to shape, because the Compeed circle is definitely not a one-shape fits all, and especially if your cold sore is only half the size of a patch, and you have this obvious crinkled plastic sticker on your face or lips.

famvir-famciclovircold-sore-relief-lypsine-blackmores_4ef11c6777f09

And now for something completely different: My Chinese herbalist tells me when she feels the tingle she uses pins to break the skin and “bleed the cold sore out”. I don’t really know what this means, but she says you need to do it before there are any blisters present and then the cold sore never appears because you have released the virus in the blood. Hmmm.

 

WHEN YOU SEE BLISTERS APPEAR, SORT THEM OUT

My advice is to pop them. Controversial, but if you let the blisters keep growing and multiplying, well, I reckon you’re a dingus. I recommend doing it very carefully and hygienically by first washing your hands, then taking a sterilised needle or pin, break open each blister/bubble, then very quickly blot the area with a small square of tissue to stop the serum weeping and spreading. Blot once only then use new tissue and toss all of the blotters straight in the loo. Next, once the area is dry, ‘sanitise’ the area by applying nail polish remover on a cotton pad. Hold for up to 30 seconds. Of course, now place a patch on straight away to get to work on healing and to reduce the heat, pain and discomfort. Wash hands.

 

Acetone

DO NOT REMOVE THE PATCH UNLESS YOU ARE CHANGING TO A NEW ONE.

Cold sores do not need to breathe. They need to suffocate and die at the hands of nail polish remover and under the nurturing plastic shield of a hydrocolloid patch. Try to keep liquids (drink through a straw etc) away from the patch which will mess it up. At night or in the morning before work, wear your old one in the shower – because you should not let the sore get wet! – and then remove once you’re out. Before applying a new patch, hold some more nail polish remover on a cotton pad on the sore for 30 seconds to teach it who’s boss. Then, brush your teeth and place a new patch on before you go to sleep and dream sweet dreams of a cold sore-free life.

STAY VIGILANT

By doing all of the above, I usually only suffer for 3-4 days now. (Bad breakouts in my teens and twenties used to run well over two weeks, so this is a fucking miracle, in all honesty.) But! Just because you think it looks healed,doesn’t mean it is. And we all know how easily cold sores can rise again if not completely killed. So, keep on with the NPR/Compeed Patches for as long as it takes. If you’re lucky, the scab won’t even arrive, and you will gain a free pass straight to the dry, flaking skin stage. If you do get a scab however, well, the good news is that it’s healing. Keep up with the patches, and learn the art of Cold Sore Concealing Makeup, which, at the risk of enormous public humiliation, I will demonstrate in my next post, complete with step-by-step photos and the products that work.

My latest hope in the ongoing fight against cold sores comes in the shape of the Virulite Cold Sore Machine, which I am trying to buy online but keep hitting cool roadblocks. These little electronic zappers are kind of the new wave in cold sore treatment and I for one, have unrealistically high expectations.

Do you have any amazing tips or tricks that you use to annihilate your cold sores? Share them, for God’s sake!

 

 

Responses to this drivel: 102 Comments
13
Aug

Nail art is dead! All hail nude nails. Here’s how, and which shade is right for you.

Nail art was never going to last, we all knew that.

Oh COME ON, how many pictures of scrunched up claw hands with ombre polish or newspaper prints or American flags or godamn Nintendo characters must we be reduced to on Instagram before we decide enough is enough? Yeah I’ve done it, shoosh. But I don’t do it anymore. It’s not special or exciting or unique if we’re all doing is doing it, is it?  This is an industry of swift trends and what’s fun and enchanting this minute almost definitely won’t be in five minutes time. Just ask anyone who swore by at home micro-dermabrasion kits back in 2006. (“Me.”)

Watermelon nail art

Stop! No more!  Eat watermelons, don’t paint them on your nails.

Even if nail art hasn’t been officially called, then pass me my official calling skivvy and allow me to don my Calling It cap, for I am calling it. Let’s all cool it with the palm trees and pineapples and glitter tips for a bit.

I’m not entirely making this all up – a recent article in WWD compared nail polish’s meteoric rise back in the “recession” days of 2011, when sales went up 67% for high-end polish brands, and 35.7% for pharmacy brands, to what they are sitting at now, two years later, at 19% a piece. Which, yes, is still pretty good growth, but the boom-boom for polish has definitely gone.

Could be because there are so many brands on the (DIY nail art especially) nail polish bandwagon now, and competition is tough.

Could be a sign that the economy is back on its feet (nail polish, like lipstick sales always increase when there is an economic downturn).

Could be a sign that we are all just really into gel manicures and pedicures now, and traditional nail polish, with all that smudging and chipping, won’t cut it.

Could just be because like most trends, and therefore proving the very definition of the word, this trend is now over and a new one is about to rise.

IF I may be so bold, I would like to suggest that this new “trend” is for a complete and polar opposite to everything nail art is, which is to say, beautiful simple, nude, natural nails. I use “these” around the word “trend” because nude, natural nails are always in. Always.

eva_mendes_Nails

Daaaamn. Eva Mendes knows how to give good nude nail.

Whether that’s just a lovely nude, natural shade of polish (more on those in a moment) or gel (I use OPI Bubble Bath or CND Romantique) or just healthy polish free nails that are beautifully buffed, neat and shiny, there is something clean and fresh, and refreshing about simple, chic plain nails after a few years of so much colour and movement.

I’m quite partial to a coat of clear and some white pencil under the tip of the nail, you know, like we used to all do back before reality TV shows made the French manicure so incredibly tacky.

HOW TO BE GOOD AT NUDE NAILS

1. Make sure your nails are short, neat and naturally shaped. Naturally shaped, for the record, is usually the most flattering shape for your fingers, because it mirrors the way your cuticle sits at the bottom edge of the nail.

2. Choose the right nude/natural for your skin tone. Think of your nude polish as you would foundation, it has to match your skin tone. Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Lopez might both be wearing “nude” polish but oh MY, will the shades they wear differ.

Basically, do your hands look better or worse with that nude polish? If your nude polish makes your hands look dead or sick, or chalky and cold, or dirty, or yellow, or red and raw, or your cuticle is really standing out, then you have chosen the wrong shade. If your hands look lovely, clean and neat, well, you’ve nailed it. Oh, well done Fosters.

Also, there are sheer and opaque nudes, the more sheer you go, the more truly natural you will look, but if you get the perfect shade, opaque can look just as delightful. One coat of sheer with one coat of opaque can give a lovely finish – don’t be bound to one polish per mani.

FAIR /COOL SKIN TONES

Generally you should probably head towards soft, creamy, mauve-based ballet pinks. Try: L’Oreal Colour Riche Nail in How Romantic, Essie in Brooch The Subject or Allure, Deborah Lipmann in Tiny Dancer, Sally Hansen Complete Manicure in Shell We Dance.

ShellWeDance HowRomantic

WARM SKIN TONES / OLIVE

Something with a hint of peach or beige will be most flattering on us birds. Try: OPI Samoan Sand (my favourite), Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure in Royal Blush, Chanel Beige, Revlon Colorstay Longwear Enamel in Sandy Nude, Estee Lauder Pure Color Nail Lacquer in Nudite (It’s worth checking out the collection, French Nudes, this is from as there is a nude for every skin tone, ready-made, all done, bing bam zap.)

 estee-lauder-nudite samoansand

 

DARKER OR TANNED SKIN TONES

You guys will look best in coffee-coloured hues of nude and tan. Try:  OPI Tickle My Francey, Laura Mercier Lacquer in Bare Mocha, Essie Sand of a Beach, Chanel Inattendu, Dior Vernis in Nude Chic or Butter London in Tea and Toast.

 

Chanel_inattendu ButterLondonTeaAndToast

3. Maintain with top coat every second day to keep up the shine and prolong the life of your mani. I love Sally Hansen’s Mega Shine. Oh, and definitely steer clear of matte finishes. A high-shine finish ensures your nail stands out and looks healthy, even if the colour is extremely subtle.

4. Consider the toes. I was always a bright orange pedicure bird until a few years ago when I went soft sheer pink while on holiday in Greece. Felt better with my slight tan and leather sandals for some reason. More chic. Cleaner. More elegant. Toes are ugly enough without adding harsh colour, I realised, and I never looked back. Try it and see. But make sure you get the right nude for your skin tone – like I said, toes are ugly enough, they don’t need much assistance to look even more unattractive. But the perfect nude shade to complement your skin, and a neat, short shape – splendid.

Did I forget your favourite nude?

Was it this guy?

Naked-Cosmopolitan-UK-Naked-Centrefold-Defined-Muscles-What-Do-You-Think

Sorry, you know what I mean. Pop your most loved nude polish in comments below with your skin tone and share your wisdom!

Responses to this drivel: 38 Comments
08
Aug

A few wild new products.

I’ve just called this mascara in from Avon for one reason, which I think will become evident when you see this clip.

That’s right: because it makes me giggle.

No, no, I mean because I am curious regarding the design. I’m all for innovation, and that brush might just be the best thing any of us ever apply mascara with, so let us not judge until we have wonder painted, yeah? I’ll let you know how it goes.

Another product that intrigues me but which certainly sped past intrigue right into necessity for a lot of you, is Nanoblur, $30, which has been the number one selling product in Priceline since launch in January.

Nanoblur

Nanoblur claims to make “people look 10 years younger in 40 seconds,” which I think would be fascinating to see on an 11-year old. Essentially it ‘blurs’ lines and wrinkles, you see, using, light reflective particles. A bit of soft-focus in a tube, if you will. It feels and looks like a primer, and as if proving it’s not skin care, but an optical illusion product (for those liable to be confused) you use it after your makeup, and dab it onto crow’s feet, marionette lines, the forehead, etc. To be crude, it’s cosmetic Spakfilla.  There have been a few of these come out over the years, L’Oreal and Clarins both did similar products, but none have sold so phenomenally as this.

I’ve given it a few goes, but not enough to honestly say I’ve trialled it thoroughly. I softly dab it on to my smile lines with my middle finger, which I find always crease within about an hour of makeup being applied, especially if my skin is tired or thirsty, or just being, yknow, “old.”

The lines seem a little less obvious but the best part is that unlike the oils and balms I tend to use for this issue usually, Nanoblur won’t make your makeup move and slip. In that sense, you can pretty much use it in place of sheer finishing powder to take away shine, mattify, reduce imperfections, and make your makeup stay in place, which is important if you get shine or your skin eats your makeup like mine does….

It’s a kind of finishing primer, if you will. I am considering mixing a little in with my foundation next for an all-over blur. Why not! Why not indeed.

Have you tried Nanoblur? What did you think? Also, I love your hair like that.

Responses to this drivel: 22 Comments
03
Aug

New videos! New products! The Amazing Face App has been updated.

I recently spent a day shooting a stack of fun little makeup and hair video tutorials to pad out my gorgeous Amazing Face app, and the updated version just went live.

I also added my new Must-Have products, and some pro advice on how to pronounce tricky beauty brands so you never look like a dingus saying L’Occitane again, and a secret page with a picture of Ryan Gosling fully nude*.

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Image care of the fantastic dames at The Design Files.

 

It’s very exciting, especially for people like me who happened to have their name all over the app, and want it to be thoroughly awesome. The update is particularly terrific news for anyone who:

A) Already owns this helpful little beauty iPhone app, uses it consistently and has tired of the tutorials on offer

B) Was considering purchasing the app, and now has fresh incentive to do so

C) Enjoys beauty and quite fancies having a bunch of how-tos and advice in their pocket.

D) Has a face and wants it to be of the ‘amazing’ variety

E) Enjoys edamame beans.

Check your updates and download the new one, or snaffle a brand new Amazing Face app at the app store!

Oh, and … Android users, sweet, good-looking, intelligent and popular Android users, please don’t be angry with me or throw that tin of corn in your hand, but it doesn’t look like we’ll be doing a version for you any time soon. It’s a long story. I apologise for being so Apple-centric, and gently nudge you towards the actual book, or the ebook, or a large slice of cheesecake in the meantime.

*This is a lie.

Responses to this drivel: 18 Comments
05
Jul

The Girl Is Dreamy: Nicole Warne, AKA Gary Pepper Girl.

I was reading in Time magazine the other day (terrific opener, in anyone’s books) that most of us feel WORSE after looking at social media, rather than better.

Because, you know, everyone’s having The Best Life Ever, looking hot and being cool (making them the perfect temperature) and obviously and we’re in bed with hot chocolate stains on our pyjamas and pimple-reducing clay on our spots and a bloated stomach from too much pasta at dinner.

BUT! I disagree.

I find social media inspiring. I follow comedians who make me giggle, and writers who make me want to do better work, and I follow a handful of very select fashion babes who, rather like Ms BETTY DRAPER or Ms JOAN HOLLAWAY on Mad Men, inspire me to want to do my hairs and faces and wear a Pretty Outfit, as opposed to the dazzling jeans/trainers/stripy jumper uniform that is so popular with us stay at home writers.

One of these fashion babes, and all-round good guy and team member is Ms. NICOLE WARNE of Gary Pepper Vintage fame. I follow her, like half the universe, on Instagram (@garypeppergirl) and day after day I see her photos and swoon. She was heavily blessed before leaving Genetic HQ obviously, but she also has a terrific style and grace about her. She is fearless with colour, and always looks polished: two of my favourite things.

Watching her travel through Europe these past few weeks for various jobs and shoots, has made me itch to:

Cut my hair off to just above my collarbones again. (You’ll note she has gone shorter in these shots… this is after years of very long lovely hair. I applaud and support the “Journey” when you decide to go short. Baby steps.)

– Wear more red. Preferably while looking smoking hot while in Paris.

– Master the winged eye liner. Properly.

– Wear a lot of colour. Prints. White.

– Have someone nearby with a great camera at all times in case any one of these things ever occurs.

Here are some of my favourite recent shots.

As you’ll see, the girl is dreamy.

All images lovingly admired and then pinched from Gary Pepper. Go there for many more.

Responses to this drivel: 16 Comments
26
Jun

Q&A: Is the Clarisonic worth it?

Zoe, do I need a Clarisonic? Everyone is talking about them but I don’t know if really just a cream cleanser will do (and a bi-weekly scrub). Have you written about them before? I have dry, sensitive skin, prone to a little patchy eczema in winter, but otherwise manageable. I also get the occasional break-out around my chin, which I’m told is hormonal. Meg

Oh, Meg. Silly, silly Meg. I will never tell someone they “need” something, unless it is to wear sunscreen or to fill in their brows or to try pink lipstick or lash extensions or gradual tanner or this awesome pimple drying lotion that really works or dry shampoo.

What a hilarious joke! I am the biggest and most loving beauty bully this side of a revolving door.

Now, in fact I have written about the Clarisonic before, and I use one myself – the original Clarisonic Mia, $140-ish (there is a Mia 2 now, $179-ish, and it has cool colours and cool beeps that tell you when to move on to the next part of your face) – on occasion. I do get lazy, I must admit. I used about 5x a week when I first got it, but too much travel makes falling in love with appliances tricky.

I like the Clarisonic for the reasons most people do:

Skin feels more smooth.

Makeup seems to go on better, and you get a better application.

Skin care products used afterwards seem to penetrate deeper. Terrific news for those spending serious clams on serums.

It is gentle, and after using it, the skin feels extra clean, and glowing, and debris is thoroughly removed.

These are all good things. Especially if you’re dry-skinned, or the type to work outdoors in grime, or wear, say, sunscreen, primer and foundation and then colour makeup each day. (Like I do sometimes, and when one round of cleanser won’t cut it.)

Let me not be your guide, though, because I know at least six women personally who LOVE and SWEAR by and WANT TO THIRD BASE their Clarisonic. One of them is a girl called Gwyneth Paltrow, with whom I do jazz ballet with on Tuesdays.

 ClarisonicMia

 

But is it for you, Meg? Let’s see. Obviously I can’t see your skin, and double obviously I am a writer, not a beauty therapist, but I’ll have a crack:

You currently cream cleanse and bi-weekly scrub – this sounds like good practice to me. And great job on the cream cleanser for dry/sensitive skin. Anything too foaming and scratchy will irritate you. You may even like to switch to a chemical exfoliant, something with lactic or citric acid, say rather than a physical exfoliant (“scrub.”) I prefer these because they exfoliate evenly, and feel more thorough. Personal choice. (I especially enjoy exfoliating “peely” wipes, like these Philosophy Microdelivery Pads.)

philosophy-microdelivery-multi-peel-pads

 

 

The hormonal breakouts? The jury is out, but a few bloggers seem to think it helps lessen the anger of the breakouts and the number of blemishes (I would put this down to the basic fundamental of your skin being cleaned properly, and the treatment products being used up next being able to sink in real good and do their job.) Some say it makes it worse.

So, bottom line, yes, you might love it. You might love it a lot. A deep clean is paramount to Great Skin, and the Clarisonic certainly ensures that. If you’re not getting it from the Clarisonic, then that 2-3 weekly exfoliation will do the trick.

Responses to this drivel: 51 Comments
09
May

This is a review: The electric tooth flosser I actually use, actually works, and is FUN.

Sing if you know the words:

Dentist: You’re not flossing, are you.

You: Yes! Of course I am. What a silly question. Goodness me.

Dentist: You can’t lie to me. I am the all-knowing mouth wizard, and as your gums are a piece of shit, I know for sure you have not been flossing. This is not speculation.

You: But I do! More than I used to anyway. Like, a few times a week at least. I got those pick things you told me to use.

Dentist: I need only LOOK at your gums and they bleed. Keep this up and you’ll have rotten breath, rotting teeth and far more time in here being lectured than you or I have time for.

Me: Sounds sexy. I’m in.

… This is how it goes. Always. I try to floss, I really do, and I know it’s more crucial than brushing for mouth health, but, I just, I don’t know, it’s so dull and time-consuming and gross.

Thankfully, my dentist, the kind, well-meaning but tough Angelo Lazaris is a realist. And after years of lectures, thought he might have found the solution with the Philips Sonicare Airfloss.

Philips-Sonicare-AirFloss

USE IT, he said. Twice a day. No ifs, buts or excuses. Just do it, FFS.

I charged the odd little thing on it’s little hockey puck sized charger for 24 hours, wondering if really I might have found the holy grail of flossing: something quick, simple, fun, and effective.

First use was the kind of thing you’re grateful you’re not on a reality TV show: a lot of spit, a lot of laughing, and some super cute drool. But now I can do it real good and be prepared to fall of your stool if you’re on one, because I now look forward to flossing.

Here’s how it works.

Brush your teeth as normal. Some people (“my dentist”) will say you should use an electric toothbrush, but I’ve tried and am too lazy. Plus, I travel too much to carry all that charging paraphenalia around. This flosser lasts two glorious weeks without a charge, so I can travel sans kit.

You fill the small chamber with water – I get two flosses from it, just – and close the cap. Some people like to use mouthwash in there instead or a mix of the two.

At the base there is a rubber sealed on / off switch, turn it on.

Line up the wee little jet onto the bit between your teeth, and press the big green button at the top of the white handle. There’s a click, and a woosh/puff noise as the jet shoots.

A blast of water and air shoots out and blasts all the debris between your teeth clear out.

Tip: Keep your moyth closed or your mirror will be smattered with all that filthy floss excrement.

Continue doing each gap, around whole mouth. Spit as required. Cute!

NB: You might have some blood the first few uses, I did, but sadly that isn’t that strange for me when flossing. However, by day four or so, no more! Man, Angelo is gonna lose his ship when he inspects my gob next…

Rinse mouth out thoroughly – mouthwash optional – and you’re done.

And pickle my walnuts if it isn’t the cleanest my mouth has felt, professional clean aside. I love it. I bloody look forward to it, even. Takes care of business, you know? Even the noise the jet makes makes me feel I am taking care of business.

Here’s a video so you can see it all unfold. Quick! Make some popcorn and settle in for a thrilling ride.


 

YOUR DETAILED SUMMARY

It’s brilliant for unenthusiastic, recalcitrant flossers. Because now you will floss. 

Your check-ups won’t be as riddled with fear and lectures anymore.

It’s fast, simple, effective, FUN.

It’s not that great for those with teeth that are VERY tightly jammed together. You will know if this is you because when you floss, you often have trouble getting the floss up to the gum, or it snaps. Since I had Invisalign, the back third of my mouth is very tight, but I am finding this is still working, and in fact, since I could NEVER get my grubby fingers up that far, at least something is now getting cleaned up there. However, I try to get in there with manual floss occasionally too, just in case. NO I AM NOT LYING. How dare you.

If your teeth are widely gapped, this is A VERY AWESOME device for you.

It costs $150 which is a bit more than your usual dental floss. But it’s worth it. Will last you years, they tell me, and you only need to replace the nozzle once every six months.

FRUITYBEAUTY RATING

Four and a half teeth out of five.

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