Buy her (and I do say buy although I recognise the 3% of you who will make her a macaroni necklace) something useful. Something that spoils her obviously, but also maybe even exposes her to new and fantastic skin, or a lively, youthful new lipstick. In all likeliness, it will be something she may never have thought to buy for herself, and that’s always a good gift, isn’t it? What a good child you are! The favourite, I’m sure.

 Here are three things I recommend for your gorgeous mum next Sunday.

A DELIGHTFUL MASSAGE

I agree, it’s big stinkin cliche, but not many mum’s sashay off for a massage on their own accord. Chuck in some acupuncture or reflexology or kinesiology maybe, for somthing different? And what about a service that comes to her? I am most partial to the mobile massage industry, and recommend these guys in Sydney. Cheap and excellent.

A POWERFUL SKIN SERUM OR CREAM

Something she can pop on at night before bed that will work lessen the look of her wrinkles, but more than that, (because wrinkles aren’t even that big a deal in my books, it’s MUCH more about even skintone) her skin will look radiant, smooth and plump. Alive! Gloriously alive. How wonderful. Choose products that have retinol, preferably. (Retinol: A vitamin A derivative which is viewed as the holy grail ingredient of anti-ageing. There is also the much stronger older sister, prescription-required retinoids.) It has been proven that retinol will make a difference to her skin. Retinol stimulates the skin to generate hyaluronic acid and collagen, which makes the skin plump and firm, but it also lightens pigmentation, slows down inflammation, exfoliates for smooth skin texture and reduces appearance of pore-size. Whether or not it will feed the cat remains inconclusive.

Maybe not for her if she: has rosacea or very sensitive skin.

Make sure she: Doesn’t apply it through the day; wears broad spectrum sunscreen every day.

Options: REN Bio-Retinoid Anti-Ageing Concentrate, Ultraceuticals Ultra A Skin Perfecting Serum, AVON Anew Clinical PRO Line Eraser Treatment L’Oreal Revitalift Face, Contours & Neck, ROC Retonil Correxion Deep Wrinkle Serum and La Cerise Organic Retinol Serum.

Just on that AVON one, here’s me talking about it, or rather why it is has been such a big deal on A Current Affair last week:

 SOME PINK LIPSTICK

Even if she is a dedicated nude babe or red lipstick vixen. Just try it. Pink lipstick is an instant face brightener, and is terribly youthful. I know you’re there saying, “Oh, you don’t know my mum,” and you’re right, I don’t, even though I’m sure we’d get on famously, but there is a spectrum of pink she can choose from, varying from the soft corals to the bold berry pinks. And I don’t know a woman alive who wouldn’t appreciate a beautiful fancy new lipstick to sass around, whether she thinks of it as a face-changer or not. (Go Chanel or Tom Ford if you’re feeling splurgy.)

A basic key:

If she is cool skin-toned and most suits/wears silver jewelery, go for blue-based pinks like raspberries, mauve, fucshia, fairy floss (pale versions thereof, probably…) and magentas. Try MAC Lovelorn, Bobbi Brown Lip Gloss in Cosmic Pink or Revlon Colorstay Ultimate Suede in Muse.

MAC Lovelorn. See? Pink!  

Wears gold jewellery? Tans easily? Go for warm pinks, those that are rose or orange-based. Try: Illamasqua (don’t know how to pronounce that? Read this) in Scandal or Elizabeth Arden Ceramide lipstick in Melon.

Confused? Lancome L’Absolu Rouge in Voile de Rose suits every skin tone.  

 A NEW HAIR STYLE OR MAKEUP TECHNIQUE

Mums are the best but often they’re in a makeup or hair rut. It’s true! It is. Even a lot of us are. So, maybe this is an oppurtunity to gently show her a flattering new path.

In terms of hair, a cut and blow dry is such a dazzling confidence booster. Maybe she could get some layers cut around the face to soften things? Or what about some highlights? They really lift and lighten up the face. Like the pink lipstick, very youthy. Even just some around the face might be nice? Or, you could just shout her a semi if she doesn’t want anything permenant. Washes away in 6-8 weeks but adds incredible shine. Plus, it means she can try life with auburn or mahogany or mulberry hair for a bit. Outrageous!

Napoleon Perdis’ rather awesome Woollahra Lifestyle store.
Has furniture, accessories, great carpet, and of course, makeup.

If she has the hair situation quite under control thank you very much, maybe send fancy pants to get her eyebrows shaped, (keep them thick! And have them tinted) or to a wonderful makeup counter for a beautiful makeup. In Sydney and Melbourne, the Napoleon Perdis Lifestyle stores or the Chanel beauty boutiques are hard to beat. Also Bobbi Brown counters are very non-scary and helpful. Plus, the cost is usually redeemable on product… cue pink lipstick?

 SHOES MADE FROM BULBOUS SUMMER CLOUDS

For her poor tired feet, of course.

‘Nice hand cream, where’d you get that?’

‘Oh, um that nice flowery place in Westfield, Lochitane.’

HOLD THE PHONE AND STOP THE PRESS AND OTHER URGENT THINGS.

This woman has mispronounced a beauty brand.

Instead of sending her to prison, I decided to help. Because let’s face it, there’s NOTHING worse, not even losing your dog or civil war, than looking like a fool when you pronounce ‘La Prairie’ incorrectly. I remember this one awful time I served my guests Krug that wasn’t quite chilled enough, and let me tell you, terribly humiliating as that was, incorrect pronunciation of skin care is even worse.

And so, in cute bogan phonetic style, here is how to pronounce all those beauty brands we’ve been collectively mumbling/getting wrong/guessing for years.

(Underlining = emphasis.)

L’Occitane: Lox-ee-tarn

La Prairie:  La preh-ree

Jurlique: Jur-leek

Hermes: Air-mezz

Bourjois: Borj-wah

Lancome: Lahn-comb

Bvlgari: Bool-ga-ree

Illamasqua:  Ill-err-ma-skah

Dr. Hauschka: Doctor How-shkah

Caudalie: Ko-da-lee

Frederic Fekkai: Fray-day-rik  Fek-eye

Sodashi: so-da-she

Givenchy: Zhee-von-she

La Mer: La Mare (as in horse)

Korres: Cor-ezz

Guerlain: Gher-lahn

Decleor: Deh-klay-or

Narciso Rodriguez: Nar-sis-oh  Rah-dree-gez

Issey Miyake: Ee-say Me-yah-kay

Laura Mercier: Laura Mer-si-yay

Kerastase: Care-ras-tass

Shiseido: She-say-doe

shu uemura: Shoe oo-eh-moor-ah

Kevyn Aucoin: Kevin Oh-kwan

YSL: Eve-sanh Lorr-ahn (silent ‘T’s)

Stila: Stee-lah

Nars: Nahrs

St Tropez: San Trow-pay

And of course,

Dove: Duv

Have I missed any?

Butchered any?

Probably.

Because there are better things to do than sass around with our mops on our days off, AM I RIGHT??

Now, you could just splerk off and get a blow dry, and this isn’t as big a splurge as we once thought it was because joints like the Blow Dry Bar (BDB) are littered right across the country now and do a $35 job that is actually quite good.

Or you could do it yourself. I like to do it myself. Sits better for some reason. Lasts longer too cause I control the product amounts.

WASH IT TONIGHT/THURSDAY NIGHT.

Second day hair is the best hair to set and style. After washing (fine-hair girls? Skip the conditioner, or only use it on the mid-lengths to ends), run a thickening/styling mousse/spray (like Redken Rootful or O&M Rootalicious) right through the hair, which will give the hair lasting power and volume. Next, dry the hair on high heat using a styler brush all over, underside, side to side, everywhere – take it through the hair like it were ballroom dancing all over the scalp.

This is a styler (or wrap) brush. It’s a Denman. I use one everytime I dry my hair for volume and no tearing/ripping. I recommend higher than a satellite.

STYLE IT ON FRIDAY

Put aside a good 25 minutes – OH COME ON! Remember, you’ll get a whole weekend of good hair, it’s worth this time – to style. This is nothing compared to what our grannies did, trust me. First mist a heat protector spray (like Dove’s Heat Defence Mist) all over then let it dry off. Never put hot tools on damp hair.

Want straight hair? It’s back, you know. Might not be a bad idea. Feels slick as.

Do this: Clip/tie the top half of you hair out of the way and taking a fine-tooth comb (yes, you should own own one of these, they cost $2 from the Chemist) comb through 5cm wide sections, then follow immediately with the styler/flat-iron. Do it in the ‘C’ shape I demonstrate in this video, this very blonde video, for a nice shape, as opposed to taking it straight down. Looks too … dead when it’s too straight.

Want curls or waves? Good for you. I think curls and waves lasts longer than straight hair, just quietly/aggressively.

Do this: Apply heat protector as above, and section off top half also. It depends on what kind of curl/wave you want, but I (medium-length, fine hair) use a mid-sized barrel tong because I want something between waves and curls.

The more loose and wavy you want, (or longer/thicker hair you have) the bigger barrel you need. Also, start the tong-wrapping at or below the ears so the top of hair is flat on the head. (Flat but with texture thanks to those products you used earlier.)

If you prefer more curl (or have very fine/shorter hair) go for a thinner barrel and start the curls right up on the scalp. Here’s a full how to on curls.

I find the Babyliss tongs incredible, but also am a fan of the (cheaper) Remington Keratin tong, which gets extremely hot, extremely fast. Just ask the burn scar on my arm.

I personally tong randomly all over, in both directions, because I am going to muss it up at the end anyway. DO however make sure the curls go back away from the face at the front sections. The key is, simply, to make sure the cord of the tong is always up in the air, no matter which side you’re on. Tong for 10 seconds then release.

Leave to set til they’re stone cold – at least 10 minutes. Perfect time to enjoy a bit of putting practice in the office, AM I RIGHT??

Then, flip hair upside down, spray all over with a light hold hairspray (like L’Oreal Elnett). Brush out with a paddle brush for soft, glamorous waves, OR mess up with your fingers and once you’ve flipped your head back up, tap some Magic Dust/Hair Powder (everyone does them now, choose your brand) onto the scalp all over for some grit and texture. Not too much though, as it makes your hair dirtier, faster.

This is one hair powder that is great: evo haze.

ON SATURDAY

The hair, it will be perfect. It will! Trust me. Go with it. The day after the hair has been set it is always looking it’s best. You shouldn’t need to do much – maybe smooth over some parts with the blow dryer if sleep makes your hair go fruity, or brush out (ladylike softness) or re-texturise (coolgirl messy) your waves.

SUNDAY

It’s not dirty! Let it be! And anyway, dirtier hair looks better. Spray, massage in and blow dry through some dry shampoo for a bit of lift and movement, (unless you’re rocking the cool girl messy texture in which case NO BLOW DRYING OR BRUSHES). If you’re getting all tense cause you’re a wash every day or two girl, fingerscrape it up into a high top knot, and be sure to leave some fuzzies around the face for a modern, cooler look.

SUNDAY NIGHT

Might be time to wash it (so styling is a breeze in the morning before work). Dirty hair don’t care? Enjoy an easy night watching/heckling The Voice and wash it in the morning you gorgeous bastard.

It’s affordable. And it gives visible and
measurable results. And women all over the world (it sold out completely in Australia and NZ before launching here on Wednesday) are going completely batshit for it. So
I thought you’d probably like to know about it.

Having been through conversations about skincare with
women for many years, I have presented what I think is a fairly accurate
conversation you and I might have if, say, I were to bring this up while eating
Lavosh and hummus over the weekend at a party to celebrate Josh and Katie’s
engagement.

CAST OF PLAYERS

You – Played by me

Me – Played by me

You: What
were you talking about just then to Katie?

Me: Oh, just this new wrinkle-fighting serum with a fancy new ingredient that has women going
nuts, and the scientific community frothing because of its rapid results.

You:
Really! What’s it called then, this magic potion?

Me: Avon
ANEW Clinical Pro Line Corrector with A-F33.

You: Jeez, what a mouthful. Sounds like
some kind of plane… What’s that A33 thingy?

Me: A-F33, or Amino-Fill 33. It’s an amino acid, essentially. Clever little thing. And while I don’t need wrinkle fighting stuff just yet this is still exciting to me as a beauty editor who only sees a new ingredient with this much hype once ever few years, and also because I have some proof it works for when I’m a bit more wrinkly*.

You: What’s the proof?

Me: Didn’t you see the asterisk? All that
is explained further down the page.

You: Oh, sorry. Go on.

Me: Whenever I’m asked which skin care
ingredients actually WORK on (fine lines and) wrinkles my answer is always
AHAs and retinol. And now, for the first time since AHAs (such as glycolic
acid) and retinol were discovered back in the 90s, people are saying this A-F33
is a genuine contender. And when I say contender, I mean, ‘clinical testing shows
it’s as effective than these other two, but in a different and new way.’

You: Gosh! I love my Retinol… That does sound promising. Would it work even
on these lines? (Points to eyes and
marionette lines and forehead.)

Me: Yes. Like most anti-ageing serums, it was specifically created to reduce the appearance of fine
lines and wrinkles. Even though I personally think evening out the skin tone/removing pigmentation is just as, if not MORE important than wrinkle reduction. Within 7 days you’ll notice results, they say. Which might be why when it launched in the UK late last year, things got
a bit intense.

You: Intense?

Me:
There was a waiting list 60,000
people deep before it even went on sale, and then it sold out in six hours. It
currently sells at the rate of one every five seconds. I’m surprised you
haven’t read about it. I know you love reading The Daily Mail even though like
me you pretend you’re too highbrow.

You: Oooh, bet it’s pricey.

Me: You’re right! If by ‘right’ you mean ‘wrong’: it’s $65. Which is excellent
given that good serums (high-potency,
high-concentrate, active ingredients) are not cheap. And just on serums,
they’re probably the one area – treatments aside – I recommend spending decent
cash on.

Despite me sounding a bit like a human advertorial, I
think we’d both be happy with that.

Now for my “proof.”

As I said, I’m not quite the target market just yet for ol’ A-F33. I’m in my early 30s and still in the protect/hydrate arena, with some
brightening and a few peels thrown in for good measure. The lines are on their
way, but I’m not in a position where I need to diminish their appearance just
yet. That’s not to say women my age aren’t using this – it’s extremely
subjective and is always about your skin’s condition,
not its age.

However. I am a beauty writer, and I need to know if all the press stands up before I start regurgitating it.

So, I enlisted two ladies I love, my mother,
Gerda, and my mother-in-law-and-disorder, Kerry, to trial it. They have some lines and they
were more than willing to use the serum daily for a few months. (I occasionally
palm off products that aren’t fit for my skin to better-suited friends and
family because I want to know if they work. ESP this one, given the tremendous
hype.)

I gave them each some press samples
Avon sent me back in November last year, and they are both still using and
loving it. Requesting more with a cheeky grin, even. Bless them.

I personally noticed their skin looked
fantastic at my wedding in December, but who cares what I think, here’s what they think.

Kerry ‘K-Bo’ Blake and Gerda ‘Giggling’ Foster

CAST OF PLAYERS

Me – Played by bold font

Gerda – Played by Gerda

Kerry – Played by Kerry

Skin – Played by skin

How do you use your serum?

Gerda: I use it morning and night after
cleanser. I use it on my face, neck and throat. My skin looks very good
especially for my chronological age. (65.)

Kerry: Morning and night. I use a
richer cream over it at night, and a BB cream during the day.

How long have you used it?

Gerda: About 5 or 6 months.

Kerry: About 5 months.

Have you noticed a visible difference to your skin?

Gerda: Yes my skin is
very soft and velvety to touch!

Kerry: Yes. It has reduced fine
lines and MAY be reducing darker pigment. As well, my skin (which is sensitive and
quite reactive) feels more comfortable.

Any compliments on said skin since using the product?

Gerda: Yes,
when preparing for your wedding, the make up artists commented on how good
my skin looked.

Kerry: Yes. Most satisfyingly from
the beautician with whom I have a facial from time to time.

How would you rate it in general?

Gerda: Wonderful. It is
comforting and softens, and plumps up the skin.

Kerry: It’s terrific stuff!

Should other birds buy it?

Gerda: Highly
recommended!

Kerry: Yes.

Does it taste nice on toast?

Gerda: *Chuckles*

Kerry: Honey tastes better.

So there you have it.

Two real women I really love who really like it and
really recommend it.

(Buy it avon.com.au or avon.co.nz or from your local Avon
lady which sounds like a joke but in
fact is not.)

It’s the Becca one, called Ultimate Mascara.

There she is!

I feel like a fool for not realising this was a tubular mascara until now. On the plus and less foolish side, it’s good to know it exists, and is probably the thickest and most ‘classic mascara’ of all the tubular mascaras I’ve tried. (I usually use Clinique Lash Power, which gives a lovely clean, defined look.)

If you’re not sure what tubular mascara is, here’s a (very old, but no less accurate) post on it. It’s all I use now, except at very occasionally when I go for something REAL VOLUME BOOSTING like Lancome Hypnose or CoverGirl Lashblast.

In a clamshell:

• Tubular mascara that has been created specifically to stay put, and was first invented for women living in humid envirnoments. It’s water resistant, essentially. I love it for teary days, or sweaty days, or dancing nights. Actually, I rarely wear any other kind of mascara, so ‘every day’ is probably a more accurate description.
• It is terrific for women who always get drop down, or mascara smudging under the eye, as tubular mascara will offer neither of these “benefits”
• It is removed very easily with warm water and your index finger and thumb, by gently pulling the ‘tubes’ of mascara off the lashes. There is no damage to the lashes, don’t be a dingus!
• If you’re a fan of black, messy eyes when you get out of the shower, you will no longer be granted them as the eyes will be completely clean and free of all mascara when you turn off the taps.

Another new (genuinely new, not just new to me ala the mascara above) product I have been using and am starting to think very highly of is the Ultraceuticals Ultra B2 Hydrating Serum ($79). I fly too much, and have dry skin to begin with, so this has been a wonderful moisturebooster-er under my night cream. It’s a thick, slightly-sticky gel, but it sinks in fast.

Remember: What ever your greatest skin concern is, that’s what your serum should target. Your face creams can be more generic, but the serums can actually DO something. Might be breakouts, redness, hydration, sagging, brightening… depends on your needs. (And yes, you can layer them.)

I’m a big fan of anything with hyaluronic acid in it, (a non-irritating complex sugar found abundantly in our bodies) which is a hydration powerhouse due to its Popeye-style ability to hold 1000x its weight in water… meaning it not only helps boost water levels in your skin, but more crucially, locks it there, so you get smoother, most hydrated skin. It’s also a terrific ‘piggy-back’ ingredient, which is good news when one of the other ingredients needing a ride into the skin is B5 (which is anti-inflammatory… and anti-inflammation is HUGELY important in skincare, especially know that we know how incredibly inflammory (“ageing”) things like eating sugar and the sun and smoking etc are).

But I’m also a fan of lunch, which is what I’m going to make right now.

On Sunday night, a huge event occurred in Australia.

That’s right, The Voice finally returned to TV.

Also the Logies took pace, which I attended in support of my beautiful (Silver Logie winning!) husbot.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Obviously for a red carpet event of this nature, very little preparation is required. Probably just a wash of the teeth and a top knot. But here is some surprising news: it actually takes a little bit more work than that. I had to have a shower, for example.

Here are some of the other things I did to be Red Carpet Ready, which I share in the hope it may assist you should you ever have a big event and want to look your sparkling, dazzling, glowiest best.

SKIN SKIN SKIN – SKIN IS THE THING

I had three facials in one week. Which sounds OBSCENE, but only because it is. This was not normal practice, I should add, but after a month in NYC with all it’s wintery weather and then the heating and then the flights home, my skin was dry and lined and sad. I started with a regular facial from my facial queen, Natasha (Double Bay – 0422 650 773). She did a deep cleanse and lots of extractions to get rid of all the heavy skin creams I’d been loading on it all month, then used a lovely thick hydrating compress mask. You know, a facial. Traditional and nourishing and lovely. Paid lots of attention to decollatage due to dress neckline.

A few days later I had a session of Omnilux Revive (at The Facial Room with Jocelyn) with another nourishing mask (different to straight up moisturising, as I detailed here) to get my collagen and elastin working again, and giving my skin some visible glow, then the day before the event, one more hit of Ominlux Revive (at An Experience spa in Melbourne city) and a vitamin infusion around the eyes to get them looking juiced up and plump. (This is where a vitamin gel is placed on the area, then a small device with a low current glides back and forth over it – like an ultrasound motion – to get the goods right into that skin.) A lot of models and celebs have an oxygen facial or vitamin infusion on the day of the event.

Here it is! The magical Omnilux lamp!

On the day, I did a quick SK-II facial treatment cloth mask, and then used some Gernetic Synchro cream, which I LOVE. Very hydrating and rich. I also went to the gym, which I highly recommend, because it gets the blood and oxygen pumping, and it does make a difference.

MY, YOUR NAILS LOOK REAL NICE

I definitely wore my finger and toe nails. As they are attached to my hands and feet it just felt right. I went for Shellac in Romantique to dress them up. Very innocuous pinky-nude. Didn’t want anything nuts because my dress was white and gold, and there was already a lot going on.

GYM TAN LAUNDRY

Yes please, but very, very light please, I said to the lovely dame at 54 Park St, who did my St Tropez tan. She did two light coats and I was very happy with it. I have made the too-dark error once before, and now am petrified. The lights of the cameras can make what appers to be a faily inoffensive, natural looking spray tan into a Dorito-coloured mess far too easily.  Also, when you’re wearing white and gold, a deep tan can easily grab your hand and lead you unwillingly into Tacky Land.

THAT HAIR IS SLEEKER THAN A DUCK’S BACK

Event hair must be Second Day Hair. If the hair is too clean and freshly-washed, it will be too slippery and stupid and won’t behave or hold as well. I promise you – Second Day is the Way. So, I washed it the night before and went very easy on the conditioner so it wouldn’t be flat the next day. Sprayed some O&M Atomic thickening spray all over for body on my hopeless, wussy fine hair and blow-dried it off so it was dry, semi-straight and ready to be attacked the next morning.

On the day, at around 11, my hair and makeup artist Laura Gilham (I nicked her from Channel 10 when I used to do The Circle) arrived and although I had sent references on email, we went over it again, just to be sure. I wanted the makeup and hair to be fresh and modern to balance out the dress, I said. She agreed.

My chief reference (pretty much always my hair reference): D. Kruger.

As my dress (bustier and skirt to be accurate) were super glamorous, Hollwyood-glitz style, I definitely didn’t want to do predictable hair with it. You know what I mean – the big, deep side part, all the hair over one shoulder, big, soft, brushed-out Veronica Lake curls. It was everywhere at The Oscars and Golden Globes, and I am an enormous fan, but it was too obvious and ‘theme’ for this outfit. I’d look like a caricature. Plus, the big thing in hair as we saw on the A/W runways last month, was slicked down, straight, groomed and even wet-look in a lot of cases. Fresh, I thought. Let’s do that.

Plus, it’s all about the ‘ear’ right now: show the ear(s) off, don’t cover them up, wear some fancy ear candy (on the lobe or actual ear), the message is. I got the message, deciding to keep my hair tucked neatly behind my ears and let my neck, earrings and dress do all the chatting.

Laura wet my hair all over, then blow-dried it to perfection, section by section. An old-school blowie, perfectly straight and not a hair out of place. She even snipped a few hairs at the back so the line of my hair was perfect. (Strangely important when you’re all strapless and back-showy.) What dedication! Fantastic.

She used her flat-irons very sparingly, and only on the ends, which I appreciated. We had a big bitch about hair salons that take women’s money for a “blow-dry” and then roughly dry if off before attacking it with a styler. That’s not a blow dry. That’s something we can do at home. And plus, it makes the hair flat, and the style is dead within a day. A TRUE blow-dry, a time-consuming, bit-by-bit blow-dry should last many many days.

She did some backcombing underneath the hair around the back to keep it from looking flat in photos, (I made sure it had settled down by red carpet time – I wanted flat and sleek, not ’60s newsreader)and combed my side part with a fine-tooth comb into place, hairspraying it all over for stay-put-ness. So SO much easier to deal with all night than curls or waves that drop or frizz or a fancy, prone-to-frizz or fall updo. I felt quite smug indeed with my simple, sleek hair. God bless the return to ’90s, slick, clean hair.

OOOH SUCH FANCY MAKEUP

A red lip would be the obvious choice for such a ritzy, Jessica Rabbit dress, which is precisely why I didn’t do one. Instead I played up the eyes with a heavy, brown and black (gold and bronze were my initial thought, but as per my parenthesis regarding glittery bronzed skin below, I realised the error in that) smoky eye, heavy on the top lashline to keep it fresh, and with layers of medium-size lash flares to get that winged, feline look I so love.

My key reference, one K. Stewart. She does a wicked smoky, man.

Simple, dewy skin (she used Chanel perfection Lumiere) and a touch of Benefit Hoopla matte  bronzer (when you’re glittering sartorially, it’s generally a good idea to keep the makeup matte) plus Nars creme blush and we were done. I added some matte nude lips later, just before I left. (Smashbox Lip Tech in Nude.) Kept all shimmer and glimmer away from the neck/shest/arms too. Outdated and easily mistaken for glitter. I leave that to J.Lo.

Oh! And of course she filled in and groomed the brows. Brows, brows, must do brows! They’re as important as foundation, you know. Speaking of which, I had them shaped and tinted by Lien on Friday, but I am posting more on her soon, so will save it for then.)

What? Is there a camera? Didn’t notice it.

WHOA WHOA WHOA CHECK THAT DRESS

Just popped on a custom-made bustier and skirt by the messiah of Australian couture, Steven Khalil. No big deal.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME THIS IS A HUGE DEAL WHY WOULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING.

I was so thrilled when Steven offered to make my Logies dress, he’d just done my wedding dress, so was probably sick of me and my demands (Cut things! Sew them! Add lace! Hem it! Be fantastic!) but kindly “threw” this together. Finding a dress (that fits!) is usually the hardest part of all this. He removed that task altogether and I could not be more grateful.

I walked in asking for something simple, sporty-like, Tom Ford like, and he said, ‘You always do that. We’re doing something new.” And he was right, and I LOVED that he took me out of my very very comfortable comfort zone. (I have, like, three lounges in there, and two of them have motorised massage.)

I’m not even a strapless fan. Never wear gold. Can NOT be trusted with white. And yet here I am…

I felt like a million pounds. He truly is the master of the female form. I was perfectly corseted (“could still breathe and sit”) and the skirt swished around my legs like I was performng some kind of tasteful, elegant dance all night. The compliment count was off the chart. And I didn’t even nearly expose a nipple. What a win!

(I wore these Miu Miu sweeties underneath but you couldn’t see them. And lots of deodorant, which you also couldn’t see.)

DAMN GIRL. NICE JEWELS

On top of getting a ticket to the Logies, and being able to support my husband as he took home another statue (a comedian came up to me at the after party and said, “You must be thrilled he won another Logie! After all, you get a national love dedication each time he does.” And I laughed because it was true, and he laughed, and we both ate a spring roll and it was great), there is this amazing moment where you get to choose the jewels you will wear on the night.

This year I had the EXTREMELY good fortune of being able to loan from Tiffany and Co… which meant I got to float around their beautiful Sydney store for half an hour, trying on shimmering, dazzling jewels and choosing which would best go with my dress. I went for these art deco darlings for about 828902312 obvious reasons, but chiefly because they are absolutely breathtaking. (Yes I felt my ears all night checking they hadn’t run off. You bet your Berocca I did.)

I didn’t take a bag, WAY too hard to find one that matches, so I just popped some lip gloss, liner and mints in someone’s tux pocket to get them as  needed. (Think it was Bert Newton.)

A lot of us don’t know what this is. But we should because it could change the way you treat your skin and make it happier. (And if you are a regular facial person, then ask your therapist which type they tend to use and when, as it will be helpful.)

Essentially, nourishing means you get more than just hydration: you get nutrients, and your oil levels are being replenished. It will feel richer. Especially great for dry skin.

Moisturising generally means only your hydration levels are being addressed. Real good for dehydrated skin.

If you are using moisturising masks at home when your skin is actually in need of something nourishing, then that might be why it’s never as glowy and hydrated as you wish it would be. Similarly, if you are using something rich and nourishing, but you already have oily or healthy skin, it may be too heavy, and lead to dull skin or even congestion.

There will be times when you need ‘more’ than just moisturising, and that’s when nourishing comes in. You may notice that a lot of ‘mature’ or ‘dry skin’ (remember: dry skin is a skin type, not a condition, and it infers a lack of oil production; dehydrated skin is usually just thirsty for moisture, it will feel tight and fine lines will be more prominent. And yes, you can by dry and dehydrated) face creams use the term nourishing, and this is why.

I refer you now to the case of Area Woman #88 (“me”) who will serve as a case study for the purposes of explanation.

It was a sunny Sydney afternoon in the earlier part of the current decade. My jetlag was as heavy as the overpacked handbag on my shoulder. I began my facial treatment with relief, my skin was a desert-esque, unhappy mess from a month spent in NYC (snow, rain, wind, heaters, flights, Shakeshack) and it needed some TLC.

During the extremely painful but necessary extraction element of said facial, my wise, kind, talented facialist Natasha told me that when I had my next facial (or more accurately “a session of Omnilux Revive and a quick mask”) with another person (Jocelyn from The Facial Room) in a few days due to the impending Logie Awards, I should ask for a nourishing mask, rather than a hydrating one.

But why, I said, my palms sweaty with extraction pain. Because your skin is crying out for vitamins, minerals, amino acids and oils and a simple hydrating mask will not be up to the task, she said kindly, as she wiped unsightly blackhead debris from my clogged left nostril. I understand, I said, solemnly. I understand.

Good nourishing masks: Sodashi Plant Essence Replenish Mask or Elemis Papaya Enzyme Peel or Dr  Hauschka Moisturising Mask …. Look for key words nourishing, and dry skin.

Great moisturising masks: SkinCeuticals Hydrating B5 Masque, Clarins HydraQuench Cream-Mask, SK-II Facial Treatment Masks… Look for the words ‘dehydrated or thirsty skin,’ and ingredients like hyaluronic acid.

Terrible moisturising mask: Thongs.