1. The therapist asks if she may touch your bosom area, before diving down there to knead your chest and boobies. I’m no prude, but it can be very, uh, confronting to have someone leaning over you, standing behind your head, their boobs in your basically in your mouth, massaging your décolletage.

2. The therapist makes absolute certain you have no mascara or eye makeup underneath your eyes before you walk out. I can’t stress how crucial this is, as if the remnants of your eye liner, shadow or CoverGirl LashExact are left laying around after a facial, it completely ruins the entire ‘I’ve just had a facial, don’t I look glowy, and fresh and AMAZING?’ thing that is so vital for women after having laid out cash and time to improve their face.

3. The therapist makes sure you are lovely and warm at all times. She should keep asking, and if she doesn’t, always, ALWAYS speak up and ask for another blanket or towel. Aside of APEC, there is nothing worse than laying down for a relaxing, peaceful body or face treatment and being so cold all you can focus on is whether or not you should ask for another blanket or can the therapist turn up the heating, or perhaps remove the polar ice cap from the back of the room.

There are others, but these came to mind today, as I’m off to have a facial at a place I’ve never been to before, and I guess I am am throwing out these tips to the universe, in the hope that they hear them and know them, although for all this Facial Snob knows, they’ve already got a fire burning in my treatment room, an industrial size makeup-remover at the ready, and a therapist who never touches the mams without a permission slip.