Sing if you know the words:
Dentist: You’re not flossing, are you.
You: Yes! Of course I am. What a silly question. Goodness me.
Dentist: You can’t lie to me. I am the all-knowing mouth wizard, and as your gums are a piece of shit, I know for sure you have not been flossing. This is not speculation.
You: But I do! More than I used to anyway. Like, a few times a week at least. I got those pick things you told me to use.
Dentist: I need only LOOK at your gums and they bleed. Keep this up and you’ll have rotten breath, rotting teeth and far more time in here being lectured than you or I have time for.
Me: Sounds sexy. I’m in.
… This is how it goes. Always. I try to floss, I really do, and I know it’s more crucial than brushing for mouth health, but, I just, I don’t know, it’s so dull and time-consuming and gross.
USE IT, he said. Twice a day. No ifs, buts or excuses. Just do it, FFS.
I charged the odd little thing on it’s little hockey puck sized charger for 24 hours, wondering if really I might have found the holy grail of flossing: something quick, simple, fun, and effective.
First use was the kind of thing you’re grateful you’re not on a reality TV show: a lot of spit, a lot of laughing, and some super cute drool. But now I can do it real good and be prepared to fall of your stool if you’re on one, because I now look forward to flossing.
Here’s how it works.
Brush your teeth as normal. Some people (“my dentist”) will say you should use an electric toothbrush, but I’ve tried and am too lazy. Plus, I travel too much to carry all that charging paraphenalia around. This flosser lasts two glorious weeks without a charge, so I can travel sans kit.
You fill the small chamber with water – I get two flosses from it, just – and close the cap. Some people like to use mouthwash in there instead or a mix of the two.
At the base there is a rubber sealed on / off switch, turn it on.
Line up the wee little jet onto the bit between your teeth, and press the big green button at the top of the white handle. There’s a click, and a woosh/puff noise as the jet shoots.
A blast of water and air shoots out and blasts all the debris between your teeth clear out.
Tip: Keep your moyth closed or your mirror will be smattered with all that filthy floss excrement.
Continue doing each gap, around whole mouth. Spit as required. Cute!
NB: You might have some blood the first few uses, I did, but sadly that isn’t that strange for me when flossing. However, by day four or so, no more! Man, Angelo is gonna lose his ship when he inspects my gob next…
Rinse mouth out thoroughly – mouthwash optional – and you’re done.
And pickle my walnuts if it isn’t the cleanest my mouth has felt, professional clean aside. I love it. I bloody look forward to it, even. Takes care of business, you know? Even the noise the jet makes makes me feel I am taking care of business.
Here’s a video so you can see it all unfold. Quick! Make some popcorn and settle in for a thrilling ride.
YOUR DETAILED SUMMARY
It’s brilliant for unenthusiastic, recalcitrant flossers. Because now you will floss.
Your check-ups won’t be as riddled with fear and lectures anymore.
It’s fast, simple, effective, FUN.
It’s not that great for those with teeth that are VERY tightly jammed together. You will know if this is you because when you floss, you often have trouble getting the floss up to the gum, or it snaps. Since I had Invisalign, the back third of my mouth is very tight, but I am finding this is still working, and in fact, since I could NEVER get my grubby fingers up that far, at least something is now getting cleaned up there. However, I try to get in there with manual floss occasionally too, just in case. NO I AM NOT LYING. How dare you.
If your teeth are widely gapped, this is A VERY AWESOME device for you.
It costs $150 which is a bit more than your usual dental floss. But it’s worth it. Will last you years, they tell me, and you only need to replace the nozzle once every six months.
Four and a half teeth out of five.