‘Nice hand cream, where’d you get that?’

‘Oh, um that nice flowery place in Westfield, Lochitane.’

HOLD THE PHONE AND STOP THE PRESS AND OTHER URGENT THINGS.

This woman has mispronounced a beauty brand.

Instead of sending her to prison, I decided to help. Because let’s face it, there’s NOTHING worse, not even losing your dog or civil war, than looking like a fool when you pronounce ‘La Prairie’ incorrectly. I remember this one awful time I served my guests Krug that wasn’t quite chilled enough, and let me tell you, terribly humiliating as that was, incorrect pronunciation of skin care is even worse.

And so, in cute bogan phonetic style, here is how to pronounce all those beauty brands we’ve been collectively mumbling/getting wrong/guessing for years.

(Underlining = emphasis.)

L’Occitane: Lox-ee-tarn

La Prairie:  La preh-ree

Jurlique: Jur-leek

Hermes: Air-mezz

Bourjois: Borj-wah

Lancome: Lahn-comb

Bvlgari: Bool-ga-ree

Illamasqua:  Ill-err-ma-skah

Dr. Hauschka: Doctor How-shkah

Caudalie: Ko-da-lee

Frederic Fekkai: Fray-day-rik  Fek-eye

Sodashi: so-da-she

Givenchy: Zhee-von-she

La Mer: La Mare (as in horse)

Korres: Cor-ezz

Guerlain: Gher-lahn

Decleor: Deh-klay-or

Narciso Rodriguez: Nar-sis-oh  Rah-dree-gez

Issey Miyake: Ee-say Me-yah-kay

Laura Mercier: Laura Mer-si-yay

Kerastase: Care-ras-tass

Shiseido: She-say-doe

shu uemura: Shoe oo-eh-moor-ah

Kevyn Aucoin: Kevin Oh-kwan

YSL: Eve-sanh Lorr-ahn (silent ‘T’s)

Stila: Stee-lah

Nars: Nahrs

St Tropez: San Trow-pay

And of course,

Dove: Duv

Have I missed any?

Butchered any?

Probably.