I have a few comments on this image of Kristen Bell at the Baby Mama premiere.

1. I love Gossip Girl much. She narrates it. So, I pretty much love her too. (Not love love, xoxo love.)

2. She has some sweet-ass skin. Look at it! So luminous and glowy and plumpy! (Without a doubt the ‘After’ shot of a girl who has enjoyed a pre-red carpet facial within the last 10 hours.)

3. She is doing green on green. That is, green eyeshadow on green eyes. I am a fan of this, even though I know that really, the most flattering eye shadow shade is the opposite colour to your iris colour, not the identical one. (It also tends to be slightly more flattering when it’s matte and is teamed with rosy cheeks and a slight pink lip, all fun and Spring like. But big, polished thumbs up to her for experimenting.) If you extract the disco-y, shimmery elements of this creation, do you like it? Or, do you think she should’ve stuck to browns/charcoals (or even the lilacs as per the Iris Accentuation Guidelines.)

Update: The outfit. Which is, as one fruit said, very relevant. (And look! It’s green. Which prompts a whole new question: Is it right to match makeup to outfits in this manner? Or is it a little bit Miss Universe? I say it depends on how good you are at applying makeup…)

If I find myself talking about A Product at a dinner party, then I know it’s good fodder for my fruits. And so, last week, as I was joyously slurping on some soup (Thai-style pumpkin featuring more Chili than TLC) I found myself discussing the merits of finding insect legs in your sink.

Explanation: Clinique’s new-ish Lash Power mascara.

It was made for humid climates, you know, those places where your mascara runs all by itself, with no assistant from tears, sweat or flecks of rogue paper bark in your eye. Hot. Muggier than south central LA. Stickier than…. sticky tape.

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Little Lily’s dropped the dark mop and switched it up for a light, toffee-caramel blonde.

I don’t mind it, actually. It’s kind of believable. (And kind of impressive on the colourist’s behalf: going that dark to that blonde and making it look even remotely natural is an art, fruits. An ART.)

It’s more believable than this, anyway. (Which isn’t saying much as this is obviously pretty believable.)

*That’s a lie. I can’t back that up. Lily and I haven’t spoken in weeks.

I get asked: What’s a good skin care product? a lot. It’s a kind of insane question, as everyone’s skin is different and has different needs, but I have found myself, for the sake of simplicity, advising Aesop B Triple C Facial Balancing Gel lately, which smells and feels a little, uh, strange, but which my skin is very very much enjoying. (Of course, you need sunscreen on top or in your tinted moisturiser afterwards.)

Aesop, a Melbourne based brand, has been around for over 20 years, and I’ve always loved their body products, (Qualia in Hamilton Island and The Prince Hotel in Melbourne both feature their hair/face/body products. Yes, they were pinched.) But it wasn’t til recently I gave their face stuff a nudge. My sister, who lives in the UK, still only uses Aesop after being there four years (it is a hugely successful brand overseas) and she’s got, like, all of London’s best organic/biodynamic skin care on offer.

I should warn you that if you love creams, thick, luxurious creams, this probably is not going to be sitting on your sink anytime soon.

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Watched The Other Boleyn Girl on the weekend, and I’ll admit it, cause if I don’t Pede will comment and reveal the truth anyway, but I didn’t know it was based on a true story. (I studied Ancient Eygpt, not 16th century England). And that made it even better, that information.

It’s an excellent story, fruits. I’m a Rules girl, you see, and Queen Anne totally did the Rules on Henry’s lecherous ass, and you know, sure, things didn’t turn out the best for her, but I think that’s more to do with her being completely psychotic, and less to do with her ways of wooing.

Anyway. Both Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson are very beautiful in the film, despite the fact neither are wearing any (perceivable) makeup throughout.

They are, I would have to say, two of the finest-skinned girls in Hollywood. (Kate Winslet is up there, too.) And yes,  of course they’re both in their early 20s, but I’ve seen plenty of bad skin on people in their early 20s. It’s not about age, I tell you, it’s about the texture! The evenness of tone! And most crucially, the complete lack of sun damage! Their skin looks as though they’ve never seen a sunny day in their lives, and fruits, that is a very very good thing. In my eyes, luminous, un-pigmented, even-toned skin is beautiful skin. Just look to the catwalks to see face after face of pale, radiant skin.

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Guess who is Revlon’s newest face?

(Hint: Not Pete Doherty. Or Pete Wentz.)

No, it’s this woman:

Yes, The Body is switching to The Face, and will now be perched on the same illustrious branch as Halle Bizzle, Kate Bozzie and Jess Albizzle, all of who represent Revlon globally, and also on Jupiter.

How super to see an Ohssie as the face of a multinational brand. Since Nat Imbrugs left L’Oreal, we haven’t really had one of our beautiful people be paid for being beautiful at that level.

(Except this guy, of course, who I believe is about to be announced as the face/scrawny chest of Supre.)

Ol mate Jude is the new face of Christian Dior men’s fragrance portfolio!

Oh, and Justin Timberlake? Guerlain.

Clive Owens is the face of Lancome homme EDP, obviously, and Pete Doherty is the spokesmodel for Revlon Charlie.*

I must admit I’m still getting used to this Perfume Man Face business. I don’t know why, obviously they’re Good Looking Famous People, and deserve a cosmetics contract just as much as the ladies, but I don’t know, in my mind when it comes to spokesmodels for fragrances, I still usually think, "Charlize, ok, Chloe Sevigny, you bet, Kate Moss, yep,  Nicole Kidman, mm-hmm, Scarlett, makes sense, Justin Timberlaaa… um… Oh look! Eyeliner. Eyeliner good. Use it. Use it some more. More!"

Who’ll be next? Orlando Bloom? Pete Wentz? Mr T? Zac Efron?

(That was kind of rhetoric and kind of conversational whitebait.)

*If you believe this, you are sillier than suede on a soaking wet day.

For a few weeks, I’ve been banging onto anyone who’ll listen that shoulder-length-ish is the New Length. Look at Madonna! Kate Moss! And now, Gwynny! A woman who has had the same, long hair since The Sliding Doors crop that was the Pob of its day.

Reasons why it’s so lovely and desirable, and not at all a ‘nothing length’, and why it is especially great for those who have long hair and who have possibly been trapped in the Same Hair Vortex since year 9: It takes you from ‘girly-pretty, to womanly-pretty’ instantly, it’s chic, it makes your hair look healthier and thicker, your hair has bounce all of a sudden and generally, your whole look becomes fresher.

Gucci A/W 08

I love my hair parted in the middle best, right, cause it’s all pretty and fresh and so now, but unfortunately for my current visual preference, my hair likes to not be parted in the middle best.

If my hair had its way, it would have the hair around my hairline pointing entirely vertically, or perhaps flat over my eyes, or maybe just shit and stupid and nothing and dumb and curly and flat-looking, like it does when the STUPID humidity in this RIDICULOUS city envelopes it right when it’s not supposed to, like this morning, for instance, when I was having my author’s photo taken for the jacket of my novel.*

But here’s how I saved the day (Superman would be so pissed I use that term so frivolously when he literally does save the day) when my fringey bits were starting to curl and go stupid. (Technical term: Bad Hair Day; often caused by too much product, no product, or the wrong product.) With no hair tools or product at hand, in a park, with slight drizzle. I simply flipped my part over to the irregular side of my forehead, that is, the side I never, ever part it, because it looks wrong and is going against roughly 456 cowlicks and some very aggressive curls, and held it there for as long as possible. Then, I shook out my hair, parted it in the middle, and it lo and behold, it behaved. It always does, when I do this. Whether I’m at my desk or getting ready to go out or playing a little banjo on the porch,  the reverse part move is a splendid little trick for those with curls or cowlicks or both, who have a love affair with the centre part.

* More, so much more, on this later. For now, all I will say is that it’s out June 30, and that it’s probably going to be the best book you’ve ever read in your whole entire life, even if you’ve read The Notebook, (sobby) Eat, Pray, Love (laughy), Where The Wild Things Are (scary) and The Bronze Horseman (heartbreaky).

Man, cleansing oils are the bizzo.

You’ve heard me rave about Dermalogica’s Precleanse, but lately I’ve been using SK-II’s cleansing oil, (which has a pump, and I’m very pro-pump) which requires no follow up cleanser. No, you just:

1. Apply to a dry face groaning with makeup

2. Rub it in all over, eyes included (it doesn’t irritate, well not for me anyway)

3. Step into the shower

4. Lather it up to emulsify

5. Rinse off.

And I tell you what fruits, gone are the days of getting out of the shower with great rings of black fury around my eyes! Gone are the days of missing some mascara, only to locate it under my eyes when I peer into my puffy little face at 6.57am the following morning! Gone are the days of squeaky, stripped, dry skin!

Yep, it’s just one groovy, smooth ride to clean town with cleansing oils.

(Just ask Bloom, MAC and Utowa: they know, they’ve all made one, too.)