I get asked: What’s a good skin care product? a lot. It’s a kind of insane question, as everyone’s skin is different and has different needs, but I have found myself, for the sake of simplicity, advising Aesop B Triple C Facial Balancing Gel lately, which smells and feels a little, uh, strange, but which my skin is very very much enjoying. (Of course, you need sunscreen on top or in your tinted moisturiser afterwards.)

Aesop, a Melbourne based brand, has been around for over 20 years, and I’ve always loved their body products, (Qualia in Hamilton Island and The Prince Hotel in Melbourne both feature their hair/face/body products. Yes, they were pinched.) But it wasn’t til recently I gave their face stuff a nudge. My sister, who lives in the UK, still only uses Aesop after being there four years (it is a hugely successful brand overseas) and she’s got, like, all of London’s best organic/biodynamic skin care on offer.

I should warn you that if you love creams, thick, luxurious creams, this probably is not going to be sitting on your sink anytime soon.

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Watched The Other Boleyn Girl on the weekend, and I’ll admit it, cause if I don’t Pede will comment and reveal the truth anyway, but I didn’t know it was based on a true story. (I studied Ancient Eygpt, not 16th century England). And that made it even better, that information.

It’s an excellent story, fruits. I’m a Rules girl, you see, and Queen Anne totally did the Rules on Henry’s lecherous ass, and you know, sure, things didn’t turn out the best for her, but I think that’s more to do with her being completely psychotic, and less to do with her ways of wooing.

Anyway. Both Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson are very beautiful in the film, despite the fact neither are wearing any (perceivable) makeup throughout.

They are, I would have to say, two of the finest-skinned girls in Hollywood. (Kate Winslet is up there, too.) And yes,  of course they’re both in their early 20s, but I’ve seen plenty of bad skin on people in their early 20s. It’s not about age, I tell you, it’s about the texture! The evenness of tone! And most crucially, the complete lack of sun damage! Their skin looks as though they’ve never seen a sunny day in their lives, and fruits, that is a very very good thing. In my eyes, luminous, un-pigmented, even-toned skin is beautiful skin. Just look to the catwalks to see face after face of pale, radiant skin.

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Guess who is Revlon’s newest face?

(Hint: Not Pete Doherty. Or Pete Wentz.)

No, it’s this woman:

Yes, The Body is switching to The Face, and will now be perched on the same illustrious branch as Halle Bizzle, Kate Bozzie and Jess Albizzle, all of who represent Revlon globally, and also on Jupiter.

How super to see an Ohssie as the face of a multinational brand. Since Nat Imbrugs left L’Oreal, we haven’t really had one of our beautiful people be paid for being beautiful at that level.

(Except this guy, of course, who I believe is about to be announced as the face/scrawny chest of Supre.)

Ol mate Jude is the new face of Christian Dior men’s fragrance portfolio!

Oh, and Justin Timberlake? Guerlain.

Clive Owens is the face of Lancome homme EDP, obviously, and Pete Doherty is the spokesmodel for Revlon Charlie.*

I must admit I’m still getting used to this Perfume Man Face business. I don’t know why, obviously they’re Good Looking Famous People, and deserve a cosmetics contract just as much as the ladies, but I don’t know, in my mind when it comes to spokesmodels for fragrances, I still usually think, "Charlize, ok, Chloe Sevigny, you bet, Kate Moss, yep,  Nicole Kidman, mm-hmm, Scarlett, makes sense, Justin Timberlaaa… um… Oh look! Eyeliner. Eyeliner good. Use it. Use it some more. More!"

Who’ll be next? Orlando Bloom? Pete Wentz? Mr T? Zac Efron?

(That was kind of rhetoric and kind of conversational whitebait.)

*If you believe this, you are sillier than suede on a soaking wet day.

For a few weeks, I’ve been banging onto anyone who’ll listen that shoulder-length-ish is the New Length. Look at Madonna! Kate Moss! And now, Gwynny! A woman who has had the same, long hair since The Sliding Doors crop that was the Pob of its day.

Reasons why it’s so lovely and desirable, and not at all a ‘nothing length’, and why it is especially great for those who have long hair and who have possibly been trapped in the Same Hair Vortex since year 9: It takes you from ‘girly-pretty, to womanly-pretty’ instantly, it’s chic, it makes your hair look healthier and thicker, your hair has bounce all of a sudden and generally, your whole look becomes fresher.

Gucci A/W 08

I love my hair parted in the middle best, right, cause it’s all pretty and fresh and so now, but unfortunately for my current visual preference, my hair likes to not be parted in the middle best.

If my hair had its way, it would have the hair around my hairline pointing entirely vertically, or perhaps flat over my eyes, or maybe just shit and stupid and nothing and dumb and curly and flat-looking, like it does when the STUPID humidity in this RIDICULOUS city envelopes it right when it’s not supposed to, like this morning, for instance, when I was having my author’s photo taken for the jacket of my novel.*

But here’s how I saved the day (Superman would be so pissed I use that term so frivolously when he literally does save the day) when my fringey bits were starting to curl and go stupid. (Technical term: Bad Hair Day; often caused by too much product, no product, or the wrong product.) With no hair tools or product at hand, in a park, with slight drizzle. I simply flipped my part over to the irregular side of my forehead, that is, the side I never, ever part it, because it looks wrong and is going against roughly 456 cowlicks and some very aggressive curls, and held it there for as long as possible. Then, I shook out my hair, parted it in the middle, and it lo and behold, it behaved. It always does, when I do this. Whether I’m at my desk or getting ready to go out or playing a little banjo on the porch,  the reverse part move is a splendid little trick for those with curls or cowlicks or both, who have a love affair with the centre part.

* More, so much more, on this later. For now, all I will say is that it’s out June 30, and that it’s probably going to be the best book you’ve ever read in your whole entire life, even if you’ve read The Notebook, (sobby) Eat, Pray, Love (laughy), Where The Wild Things Are (scary) and The Bronze Horseman (heartbreaky).

Man, cleansing oils are the bizzo.

You’ve heard me rave about Dermalogica’s Precleanse, but lately I’ve been using SK-II’s cleansing oil, (which has a pump, and I’m very pro-pump) which requires no follow up cleanser. No, you just:

1. Apply to a dry face groaning with makeup

2. Rub it in all over, eyes included (it doesn’t irritate, well not for me anyway)

3. Step into the shower

4. Lather it up to emulsify

5. Rinse off.

And I tell you what fruits, gone are the days of getting out of the shower with great rings of black fury around my eyes! Gone are the days of missing some mascara, only to locate it under my eyes when I peer into my puffy little face at 6.57am the following morning! Gone are the days of squeaky, stripped, dry skin!

Yep, it’s just one groovy, smooth ride to clean town with cleansing oils.

(Just ask Bloom, MAC and Utowa: they know, they’ve all made one, too.)

I met with a Definitely Excellent makeup artist and lovely woman in general last week, Fiona who has just released her line of makeup brushes called Smudge (call 1300 720 413). They are very good, very simple to use and when she explained how to use them all, I felt like I actually didn’t know very much about applying makeup at all. But that happens a lot with me: every time I meet a clever new expert with new techniques to the last one, I feel dumb, but then waaaaay smarter after. I’m used to it now.

Anyway. Fiona didn’t approve of my blush. I was trying to be sophisticated, and sweep it back and up towards my hairline, under my cheekbone, so as to push said cheekbone out. That’s what I’d been taught to do most recently, and thus it was what I did every day.
 

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(Just for Aimee, who keeps asking me to post this because I keep not posting it when I say I will.)

• Apply a nude, neutral shadow over your eyelid, or even just some loose powder. This hides veins and gives the eyes a fresher, open look.
• Use an angled, thin, flat brush, they are crucial for good liner application, (and make any eye shadow into liner with a bit of water.)

  

• Wet it and dip into a light-medium brown shadow.
• Take the brush very carefully along your lash line, trying to keep the line half on your lashes and half on your eyelid so that it’s not an obvious line, and so your lashes are boosted and look fatter. There absolutely shouldn’t be any skin showing between the line and your lashes.
• Take the brush and kick it up into a little “wing” around ½ cm before you get to the end. It needn’t be perfect, mine never are, but you must must flick up at the ends, otherwise you drag your whole eye – and subsequently face – down. (Maybe Google ‘Eye liner wing’ for a more in-depth how-to on this technique.)
• Once you’re happy with the line, get out your cream or gel liner. Take your brush and pop the tiniest amount of gel or creamy liner on it, both sides. Using one of these liners is key: They’re the New Breed liners and they’ve come in their little pots to revolutionise eye makeup forever. Try Clinique, M.A.C or Bobbi Brown: They’re all quick to dry, look crisp but soft simultaneously and are very long lasting. In short, they’re a dream.

  

• Very carefully follow the line you made with your brown shadow, including the wing.
• Apply two coats of mascara.
• Look eerily similar to this woman:

  

*No hard, scary, messy, I-can’t-do-it-and-fug-it-i-give-up, liquid liners required.

Is when people only apply their mascara:

A) On the underside of their lashes
B) From halfway up the lash
C) Sweeping directly up so that the lashes are stiff and vertical

Here is why:

A) It becomes twice as thick when you paint the tops of your lashes, and gives a flawless, defined look to your lashes to anyone observing said lashes.
B) It creates an obvious line which is obvious to everyone who looks at you as you blink (if your conversations are shorter than three seconds then you can get away with this one), except for you, because sadly due to not being able to see yourself when your eyes are closed, your mirror just can’t help in this situation. (Don’t get upset, mirror – when it comes to eyebrows, you’re the business.) Especially when it’s a thick, volume-boosting mascara and your lashes are thin, or you’re a fair-headed fruit.
C) This can look unnatural, as lashes usually have a slight curl, and span out to the outer of the eyelid. Wiggling at the base and then sweeping the wand/comb out gently to the side gives a prettier, wide-eyed, look. Please see visual aid for evidence.

SYTYCD update:

Demi: Now officially my favourite. JD second.
Nat’s hair: Much better, but still a bit flat on top.