Category: Category defying

26
Jun

My belly button is in, but my BOOK IS OUT!

I’ve waited a loooong time to be able to post this.
Like, 912 days.

Ak

My first book, Air Kisses, is now officially on sale.
Like, in book shops and available to buy! IN PROPER BOOK SHOPS! WITH PROPER BOOKS!

She wasn’t meant to be in the shops until Monday, but a friend alerted me today that she was in Borders, sitting pretty in their new releases section, with her fancy new friends James Patterson and  Geraldine Brooks and Lauren Weisberger.

So as soon as I finished work, I screamed into the nearest Borders to see for myself. Fruits, it was such a magical, strange, overwhelming moment. Kind of like seeing an old friend in a small cafe in deepest Turkmenistan.

I was all hans solo, I asked the nice girl packing books a few rows up if she could, uh, you know, takeaphotoofmewithmybookplease.

She gave me this funny look, and then she asked if that was my book, and I nodded and then she smiled and then she got it and she smiled some more and she took this photo.

Boreders

Now, I’m not going to ask you to buy it (although you totally, absolutely should, and probably several copies too), I’m just being a good friend and letting you know the best book you’ve never read is now available to you.

And! I have a website now, too.
It features pirates and parrots.

All that’s really left to say now is… wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Responses to this drivel: 46 Comments
22
Jun

Posietint is now instore! (6^&%6refjn +#ds25kn iu8 dsjd%4v 45@kls9*!!!!

Quick fruits!
BeneFit Posietint ($53 ish) is now in store  and on sale but probably not for very long!
That means I get to use some of these: !

Posietintbottleandbox

A recap on all of its excellence and why I love it so much I am posting TWICE about it. I’m not sure the last time I did this, but it’s pretty rare. But then, so too are New Products of this calibre.

1. Liquid, creme or gel blushes and tints are, I think,  infinitely more fresh and youthful looking than powder. (Refer to the liquid on liquid, powder on powder rule here please. Which I may have never actually told you before, so your reference would be… here: If you use powder foundation, follow through with a powder blush. Liquid similarly, demands liquid. Why: If you try to put a creme/gel/liquid blush on powder, it will grab, and not blend, and you will get cranky, and probably break or throw something or someone. And if you put powder blush on your radiant, dewy liquid foundation, it too will grab and not spread and a frighteningly similar brand of rage could ensue.

2. It’s a gooey, viscous cheek gel/tint. Silky but thick. Much more user-friendly than Benetint, which is thin and watery and kind of stains the nanosecond it hits your skin. I was never that good at Benetint, even though it’s, I think, one of Benefit’s ongoing best-sellers. Posie gives you a few second window to blend. Nice P0sie. Good Posie.

3. It comes with a nail polish type applicator. Ignore this: spread onto cheeks with fingers instead. Actually don’t ignore it altogether, use it to apply the product to your index finger, which you will then place onto the fleshy part of your cheeks, and blend up and back, and pretty much all over the cheek. It will look Way Too Pink for a second, but will fade real fast, and you may, at this point, even re-apply. I do. It’s fun and I love really, really pink cheeks in winter. Adorable! Fresh! Girly!

4. It’s lurid, flamingo pink. Ignore this too: It’s sheer, universally flattering and is the perfect flush of pretty pinkness that is not too 8-year-old at all, and very appropriate if you are aged anywhere between, say, 0 and 115. 116 is pushing it. Plus, it seems to have a built-in glow mechanism. Not sure how. Just does.

5. It lasts. All day. No reapplying needed. No shit.

6. It’s also a lip stain. Score.

7. This beauty blogger has done a really very thorough appraisal, complete with images. I’ll let her take it from here.

 

Responses to this drivel: No Comments
10
Jun

Goldfinger(s).

Probably it was that moment in Pulp Fiction when Uma Thurman’s character was so spectacularly off her head but was still managing to look kind of sexy and cool, (See: Gucci by Gucci, TVC, 2008) and we noticed her short, dark nails and we all let out a collective, ‘Oooooh‘, that the cult of Chanel Rouge Noir was born.

Maybe it wasn’t, but maybe it was. That’s all I’m saying.

Hang on.
No it’s not.
I’m also saying this:

Generally speaking, when Chanel unleashes a bit of a ‘daring’, a bit of a ‘wild’ shade of nail polish with their autumn/winter or spring/summer colour collection, women pay attention. And then they pay attention to their little purse, and their little feet and the opening hours of their closest cosmetics retailer.

Continue Reading..

Responses to this drivel: 23 Comments
02
Jun

Ladystaches. Discuss.

Do you ever catch your face in a certain light and think, "Good GOD man!  I am the proprietor of a ladystache!"

I had one of those moments today. As usual I just altered the angle of my mirror and pretended it never happened.

Ladystaches of course, are those little faint moustaches we ladies get that kind of perch on the corner regions of our upper lip. They are not serious, nor are they something to get all obsessed about and start peering at your face in your compact at 45 degree angles in sunlight every chance you get and go create a blog called Ladystachette or anything wild like that. No, no, no. But if you are genuinely worried about it may I suggest not to pour hot liquefied wax on it, but rather you purchase a little home bleachy kit, like the ones our friend Andrea makes, and bleach your little ladystache until it’s all invisible like.

Trust me on the wax thing. *Whispered* I’ve seen what happens when girls wax their ‘stache; it grows back. In a kind of "more" way. Bleach better.

Moustachegirl

Donna knew the babies breath might
make her a laughing stock with her
big city friends, but in her heart
she knew she was going to be the most
beautiful bride there ever was, and that
was all there was to it.

Responses to this drivel: 27 Comments
27
May

Just pray the chemist is open later than 8pm.

I had a photo taken for a magazine last week*, and the night before I realised my hair was kind of red and faded and shit.

SO! What did I do?

Use a black or blue biro only, your time starts now.

I:

A. Shrugged and went back to my balloon shape-making.
B. Ducked up to the chemist on Bondi road and bought a Napro Live colour in an unassuming brown shade.
C. Made a mixture of crumbled brown mascara and water, and poured it through my hair.
D. Canceled the photo shoot and booked in a game of golf instead, seeing as though I’d already told my boss I’d be in late.

If you chose A you are correct. However, as the question was not: How do I respond to my flatmate telling me she has just sold all of my belongings so that could get a new spoiler, some subwoofers and a metallic ‘Violent Violet’ finish for her 1995 Excel, you’re in the wrong quiz.

The answer is of course B. Cause MAN, I’d forgotten how easy these little packets of brown goo were! Not wanting to disrupt my real Life Colourist’s work, I just left it in for five minutes, and that was enough for a refreshed colour and lots of shine.

Point: Cheap. Quick. Easy to find. Great for emergency weddings/dates/job interviews etc when you haven’t had time to get to your colourist for a semi, EVEN if you’re a totally sophisticated grown up and you don’t use Packet Hair Colour, thank you very much.


*The photo was for a little story on my novel, which I will joyously reveal to you is called Air Kisses, and is on sale June 30 and is about four women living in NYC, one who is a lawyer, one who is a PR mogul, one who works at an art gallery and one who is a sex columnist. It’s going to be unlike ANYTHING you’ve ever read or seen before.)

Oops

See? Just look how awesome and natural my new colour is.

Responses to this drivel: 20 Comments
14
May

Shops with Benefits.

Fun fact: Benefit opened their first Australian shop in oxford street Paddington last week. They were launching not only the store, but Posietint, which is the flirty little sister to their famous cheek and lip tint, Benetint. Posietint is a petal pink, sheer translucent gel that you blend into the apples of your cheeks for perhaps the cutest and most believable blush effect since a walk in the winter wind. And it stays put! Brilliant stuff. It sold out in Sephora REAL quick and is kind of the cosmetic version of Gossip Girl in terms of coolness right now. I love Posietint. Say hi, baby.

Posie

"Hi."

Fun lie: I sometimes speak to Katie Holmes on Skype.

Fun fact: They have a brow bar in this Benefit store, or rather a row of adorable little brow stations, and even though I am very very very very very very very very very fussy about my brows, I gave it a go and was very happy with the outcome.

Fun lie: All food consumed on road trips is fat, sugar and calorie void.

Fun fact:  When you are midway through getting your brows tinted, you look really, really fug.

Brows

 

Responses to this drivel: 13 Comments
09
May

Everyone should get the chance to be me.

So says Paris ‘Pazza’ Hilton, who has just "created the world’s hottest hair extensions" with Sally Beauty in the US. Curiously, this is her second shot at hair extensions, her first were called, don’t laugh, Dreamcatchers. (As opposed to drinkingstraw catchers, or lipgloss catchers, both of which are more appropriate.)

Paz’s hair extensions are fairly rudimentary looking to me, especially compared with some of the other clip-in extensions out there (Original Diva, Headline Hairpieces for a start) but, well, Paz says they’re hot, who’s to argue? (They cost $80 and they only come in one straight, 18cm length, so maybe someone disenchanted by those limitations might.)

Aside of the excellent opening copy on the website, and the criminal overuse of the word hot within said website, the thing that makes me strikes me as most amusing in this whole venture is that Paris’s extensions usually look, uh, kind of un-hot. She’s much cuter with short hair. Agree? See Visual aids for decision making assistance.

Paris

Visual Aid 1.0: Bad hair and Visible Extension Line. (EVL.)

Gallery_main0307_paris_hilton_chest


Visual Aid 2.0: Cute, chic hair.
(And the cool, coloured style of sunglasses we’ll all be wearing next summer.)

See, the key to extensions, I think, is to have them professionally fitted and cut so that they look foxy and thick and long, but most crucially, natural within the frame of your natural mop.

Incidentally, Jessica Simpson’s brand of clip-in extensions, Hair Do, offers roughly 675 more options and lengths and styles than Paris’s. Just saying.

Responses to this drivel: 11 Comments
06
May

The Smelly Girl Club.

As we all know, one isn’t a TRUE star until one has posed for an astronomically-priced photographer for a small bottle of scented liquid. This honour means you automatically become a member of the Smelly Girls Club, a kind of super elite club that’s almost as highly regarded as the backseat of a high school bus.

So! Let’s meet the new smelly girls!


Naomi

Naomi Watts has just been signed on as the face of Thierry Mugler’s Angel.
Old mate Mugler is renown for splendid campaigns, so I quite look
forward to seeing Wattsy in these ads. I personally smell like a small
child who has been rolling around in icing sugar when I wear Angel,
however, one of my friends wears it and it’s hot as on her. I much much
prefer his more recent scent, Alien.  It’s sexy and uniquey and
compliment getty.

  Erykahbaduphotographc12124745

Erykah Badu, probably one of my most adored singers, is set to be the
face of Tom Ford‘s new scent. (Hope she reads that contract properly,
Tom has quite the penchant for thighs and breasts and crotches in his
ads. See here and here for the smutty proof, but be warned, these ads are 100 per cent NSFW.)

Audrey

That delightful little pocket rocket, Audrey Tautou (Audrey Hepburn Version 2.0)  has just nicked Nicole Kidman’s Chanel No. 5 crown.
(Nicole probably knows where she lives, or has people that do, so, uh,
Audrey, you’d better watch your back.)


Ollove

Beryl Watson from Tasmania has been announced as the face of Prada‘s new fragrance, which is as yet unnamed.

Responses to this drivel: 18 Comments
30
Apr

The post that never ends.

Get this. Almay  just sent me over the entire collection of
their insanely appropriate Intense i-colors because they felt it would
be criminal for me not to see that everything I was saying, they had
already cottoned onto a long time back, and then had gone so far as to
create entire ‘eye colour complementing’ makeup ranges too. Each has a mascara, a shadow palette and a liquid liner.  And as they’re Almay, they’re hypoallergenic. (Contact kids? You’re good to go.)

See? Here they are. And here too. And they start at $16.95 and end at $18.95.   

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I’ve laid them out for you guys in the respective eye colours (I failed to
mention hazel before. Sorry my hazely fruits. I mean no
discrimination) so that you can see that I was pretty much almost not lying in my previous post. I
think I may have mentioned this very clever range before, but it was
SILLY of me not to mention it in such a fitting post. I mean really. (One of you guys did though, well done.)

Probably the best part of the range? That the colours are all very wearable. No scary, I-can’t-possibly-wear-that-I"ll-look-like-a-tramp, shades, just lovely earthy, gentle tones for all ages and all fruits.

Oh! Look! Meowbert has arranged himself in a completely non-posed fashion that is both humorous and human-like!

Remote

Meowbert wasn’t sure if Spencer was telling the truth about that late night phone call. He sure hoped Heidi knew what she was doing…

Responses to this drivel: 12 Comments
29
Apr

As Paula Abdul and an animated cat once said: Opposites attract.

It would be remiss of me, after seeing the comments below, not to let you in on the best/most flattering/utterly subjective eye shadow to iris combinations.

I’ve heard mild variations from make up artists over the years, but generally, it goes a little something like this:

The Eye Shadow Tones That Will Make Your Eye Colour Scream With Beauty and Allure and the Deepest Most Lovely Possible Shade of Your Iris:

Blue eyes: Browns, coppers, golds.
Green eyes: Plums, purples, lilacs, lavenders.
Brown eyes: Deep cobalt blue, baby blue, aqua, emerald green.

But don’t think it needs to be a full eyelid of shadow. Oh gosh no. Even a swipe of coloured liner or mascara does the trick. Subtlety is always on the menu, fruits.

See Visual Aid for green eyes popping with purple shadow.

Rihanna1

And now for something completely different.

I have a new job! I am now the Editor in Chief of a definitely excellent beauty portal called Primped. (Primped.com.au). We launch in July. And suffice to say, if you love beauty, you will love it more than that moment when you FINALLY get to take off your high heels after standing/dancing/walking to McDonalds and then waiting for a taxi for 45 minutes.

Yes, leaving magazines/paper for online/computers was a big decision, but I figured someone had to begin implementing Lycra unitards and flying cars or we’ll never get there.

Responses to this drivel: 18 Comments