Before embarking on a Night Out, many a lady will attempt to jam a cosmetic artillery the collective size of a laptop in a bag roughly the size of a cassette tape.

She has done such an elegant, marvellous job of her makeup before she leaves the house, you see, that she feels the only way she can possibly maintain this splendour throughout the evening is by packing all of the cosmetics (and appropriate tools) used in creating said splendour with her when she leaves.

Sadly, she is wrong to do this.

In a truly good makeup job, all of the work is done at home, and then merely touched up throughout the evening. A good makeup job involves primer and powder to set the makeup so that only lips and concealer and maybe eyeliner need attending to once a few hours have passed, linguine has been eaten; dance floor rugs have been cut up. A good makeup job is not improved by drunken, aggressive hands brushing and patting and blending in dimly-lit bathrooms where mirrored real estate is expensive and curious, slurring bystanders constantly interrupt to enquire, ‘What bronzer is that?’

Really, all a lady needs is:

1 x lip gloss/lip stick

1 x concealer (or a foundation stick that can act as both concealer and foundation) to keep under eyes looking fresh and blemishes covered up

1 x (black) kohl liner to keep eyes looking All Sexy and Stuff

1 x blotting papers/powder compact in case of oily skin

Optional:

1 x creme blush (to keep face looking fresh when it is anything but)

1 x perfume sampler/solid perfume/roller ball to stay smelling exquisite when everyone else starts to smell like nothingness

1 x lip balm (if prone to dry lips)

These things take up hardly any room and any lady will feel proud and clever when she has only a delicate bag, featuring a zip that does up with ease.

Now pop in some mints, (try Aveda’s Peppy mint breath drops: Tiny! Powerful! Yummy!) keys, cash, cards, mobile and a lady has all she needs for a wonderful night painting the town whatever colour she chooses. (Sienna orange, perhaps.)